Havnt been around the site for a long while, have been doing really well but now I'm right back where I was this time last year which was basically the worst I've been my whole life. I'm trying so hard to hold it together…I don't want to be like this again….I CAN'T be like this again. I hate it so much! It only started a few days ago when I had a virus, I was up all night being really ill which always makes my nerves go crazy but this time it wasnt too bad to start with but now I feel really awful, not because of the virus but because of my stupid anxiety. I actually thought I was better and my meds had stopped it but obviously not which I find very distressing because as most people will know its so hard to go back down. I managed to force myself to work yesterday and I have to again today but I have to work because it isn't a option not too, even though I wish I didn't have to because it really is a struggle. I'm so tired I can't even keep my eyes open as I type this and it is only 8am. I try and rack my brains to know what causes me to be like this, I know I have issues with things that have happened to me but I can't understand why I get like this when I'm ill. The new theory playing on my mind is diet coke, I drink probably 4-6 cans a day and when I'm ill I don't so is it like a withdrawal from it? I don't know, I havnt seen my doc for a while but I think I'd feel a bit stupid asking him if me drinking it is doing this to me. I think I might be looking to far into it but I guess like most of us on the site you just want to try anything to find what can stop us feeling like this. I have read online that drinking diet coke might be linked to depression and other mental disorders, I don't know if its true but has anyone else had any problems with it??? If you are reading my babbling then Thankyou, I just find that writing it down helps and I'm sure it barely makes sense but it helps my brain a bit to get it out. I hope this is just a glitch and I'll get back on top of it quickly but it scares the crap out of me that I might be getting back to rock bottom which I don't know if I can handle again. I don't know what I'm doing but I need to sort myself out.

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