Ive been going through the motions out here in the bible belt in NC but am heading back to SD again for the 3rd time in 3 months…this time I think its for good…the money issues and uncertainty of living out here has wore me down, my partner of 14 years just wants me to be happy but I try and explan that the pressures of having to pay for my kids private school is burning me out….Im living off 1000 bucks a month which is fine, hell I lived on less back in the day, scrounging off 100 bucks a week living in a hotel….it sucked but then after moving out here I just got to a point when I got sick where I said fuc( it….then I started writing as u all may know and published a few books…it was cool but my heart is at the beach even if Im laying in the sand with nothing but a packpack…Ive been down most of my life aside from the Marines and Navy and my stint as a sparky. I havent done anything stupid except maybe start smoking again which really doesnt do squat for me….. now I do have people who care for me here..well 2 of them but Im really bummin…I just cant get into this place as hard as Ive tried…it just seems so different from what im used to…Im not into mowing a yard all day and dont even want to…I think its pointless…then I see all the other people who are hustlers or kids in schools out here and I have absolutely no connection…my home town is made up of colorful characters, trash pickers, some drunks, surfers, bar people but at least its all interesting, this place has none of that…most people here are barely surviving except the rch doctors and lawyers and old church people with money…for me i am just a burned out surfer who is lost as lost can be…I havent resorted to nothin stupid except maybe start smokin here and there but for the likes of me I just cant figure this place out….so before I start walking around completely bummified pickin up cigarettes out of ashtrays around the town I think I need to bail….I have a surfboard out in SD and a few buds that dont care I got HIV, they rememeber me as the guy who would take off on any wave, didint matter how big it was Im still the same guy at heart but I just cant get into this scene out here. My dad was an atheist and I was raised Cathilic but Im really no denomination…I believe in live and let live,..dont matter if your a complete bum diving in a maggot infested dumpster lookin for trash or a millionaire wall street dude that gets in over his head and ends it with a cyanide pill(you know who Im talkin about) My point is life with or without HIV can do some weird stuff to a person, Id just rather be weirdi n my own hometown then be the weirdo in a town I could care less about.. So Ill be heading back (again) Im getting tired of the back and forth trips but whatever….I just want to chill without worrying about whether the freakin carpet is dirty of not…who gives a shi8….