Yesterday (Sunday) started as ‘dust’ & somehow turned to ‘diamond’ – one of those days where nothing much happened, but somehow will live on in memory as ‘special’.
I just wanted to share this with you out there & hope you might find some inspiration in it … I can "hope" can’t I?? Hee hee ha ha ha ….

Saturday evening … GF had been for the usual "booty-call" (I really love her so much, but still can’t help the feeling sometimes that’s all it has become for us?) & she’d gone back to work (she’s a live-in carer / nurse & only gets Saturdays off, from about 10h00 am & has to be back in time to prepare her ‘folks’ supper, etc. at about 18h00).
So being a bit ‘at a loose end’ I just popped into FB to see what was new … generally as a ‘rule’ I stay away from FB – it has gotten me into trouble too many times & if it weren’t for my daughters, I’d delete my entire profile (yes it is possible – have googled to find out how too). Lo & behold my youngest is online at the same time – an EXTREMELY rare occurrence, so we ended up havin a bit of a catch-up chat online. I REALLY miss them sooooooo much! Next minute my eldest Girl shows up online & says Hi … turns out they were sitting together in eldest bedroom, just chilling & listening to music, giggling & laughing like I remembered & whatever else sisters get up to alone together – it was such a heartwarming scene in my head (just that they are getting along to begin with) – I’ve watched them play together (as a single dad) since they were 4 & 10 respectively.
I think I should just add at this point – I was single dad to them (their friends "teased" calling me "Mr. Mom" since I was always the one at the ‘parent-teacher’ meetings with all the other mothers – at the sports days, fancy dresses & the list could go on & on. Hell I even learnt to sew & had a small handheld battery operated sewing machine) for many years before I came back to the UK looking for a better life. I left them behind in South Africa with their mother & haven’t seen them in over 2 years ….. Not because I haven’t wanted to, it’s just SOOOOO expensive & I don’t make enough money to afford it yet. Workin’ on it though.
Well that didn’t last long – a few minutes into the chat I thought ‘to hell with this, I’m gonna phone them – just to hear their voices". The last time I called them was about 3 months ago & the call with BT cost £87!!!! But what can I say …. I miss them – think I probably said that already, but I REALLY REALLY miss them!!! Ha ha ha ………..
So I called … well it got even BETTER.
My little one (now 14) had a new mobile – a Blackberry that big sis had bought her. So while talking to her, she says she wanted to try the ‘speaker phone’ function – I had already heard my eldest "chirping" in the background … so we were now onto speaker-phone & it worked WONDERFULLY!!!!!! The 3 of us were talking & chatting & joking & laughing like we haven’t done in so so long (tears in eyes now as I write this) It felt almost as if I was in the room with them ……….. but moreover, they STILL loved & missed & remembered their "ol dad" …….. After 47 minutes, I HAD to say goodbye (I am petrified for the BT account when it becomes due, but it really didn’t matter …. The moment was PRICELESS!!! & I’d do it again anytime even if it bankrupts me!!!).
I CANNOT begin to try & explain how desolate & alone I felt after hanging up from this call………. I cried my eyes out for what felt like forever …. Also knew that if I didn’t pull myself together I would loose it completely. Due to GF issues I have already been teetering "on the edge" to just get to work & shops & so on.
The only way I knew how was my "toys" ….. my radio controlled stuff. The plane & the bike. So through the tears (they were slowing down a bit after a loooong hot bath & something to eat) I put all my batteries onto charge – took out my plane for a thorough check n service & preparation – cleaned & oiled up bikes gears n shocks n chain & so on – my plan was to take a drive through to Snetterton (something I do as often as possible) on Sunday morning early – it’s only about 20 minutes from where I live.
Snetterton is a racetrack (check Google Earth) but there is a really big open field that usually serves as overflow parking when there are events on (like the Brit touring car champs & so on). It has a tarred driveway which makes the perfect model plane runway – obviously when there were NO events on. There is also a huge model toy store right there, which has a radio controlled car racetrack around the back – perfect for a 1/5 scale RC bike. So it’s the whole package for a toy-geek like me.
Wake up Sunday morning & look outside … BOLLOCKS!!!! It’s all misty – but not a breath of wind, which is perfect for model plane flying, EXCEPT for the mist – a predominantly white plane can "disappear" into white mist – I didn’t care – I was still gonna go anyway!!! So I did & it turned out to be fantastic!!!
I’ve never flown in mist before & what it was like is still stuck in my mind.
When the little plane took off & went through slightly thicker patches of mist it ACTAULLY made those swirling horizontal spiraling vortices like you may have seen on TV from real airplanes (I WISH I could describe it better – GF used to come with me & take photos & video clips … NOT this time! I was alone in the mist doing what I loved). Take off, land, rest the plane & give the bike a blast, I was in another world all of my own – I was lonely, but HAPPY even if only for a short time.
It was completely SURREAL!!!!
But just like the previous evenings phone call, it HAD to end. Had been about 4 hours altogether but all my batteries were now flat, so no matter how much I wanted it to last, it was over. The mist still hadn’t lifted though … & more importantly, I hadn’t lost or crashed my plane – landing lights & wingtip lights helped (yes, toy plane also has lights – pic on my Gallery).
And then I did something quite "odd". It was actually really cold & damp but it WASN’T raining, so just for the "kicks" I took the roof of my car down (a little MG – check my Gallery for a couple of pics of her). Driving with the top down ALWAYS puts a smile on my face – plugged MP3 into car system – started off home listening to Evanescence to begin with – changed over to Vangelis 1492 Conquest of Paradise & then Enigma – WHAT A DRIVE HOME IT WAS!!!!
At one point I was going through a wooded area – through the mist you couldn’t even see the start or end of the road … just the trees & I just HAD to stop & BREATHE it all in (I did cry again, but it wasn’t the desperate sobbing it usually was – it was more of a "releasing" almost optimistic little silent lonely weep. I parked up & took a couple of photos – I will add them as special moments to my Gallery.
I just wanted to share –


1 Comment
  1. micl 2 years ago

    Thanks for sharing

    0 kudos

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