I often wonder how things in my life would have turned out had I had more confidence in myself. I was a music major in the university at one time and that all went away one day in a jury recital. After I was admitted only a year before into the music program, the head of the department told me I wasn’t cut out for a career in music and I should consider another subject to major in.
I was devastated. Music was such a passion in my life. If only I didn’t let the professor get his way with me in the manner of a few petty words, I could have overcome that situation or tell him off and have him give me another chance to redeem myself as a music student. Essentially I was kicked out of the program which left me in a bed of tears.
I changed my major to Communications (TV/FILM) and got my degree in that field. I even interned in a hospital that wanted me to make educational films for physicians and patients. I did that for 6 weeks and left without having made a single film. It was because I didn’t have the confidence in myself to go the mile to make a film for the hospital that I didn’t make it.
In general, I feel as though I lost or have never had the confidence to stand up for myself, make myself heard and have people listen to what I have to say. I don’t know if anyone particularly is at fault for the way I turned out or maybe it’s just a flaw in my personality.
I suppose that is just something I need to reflect more on and to do something about it for myself. No one else is going to do it for me.