I've been a "Bipolar" as they now call it, person for about ten or twelve years now, I think. I became diagnosed when I was in eigth grade I believe. I just remember being so angry. VERY VERY angry! At that time my dad had a girlfriend who lived with us and brought her four children along. It's something that I wanted too, like my dad, but it really turned out to be a mess.

I started on Zoloft with Trazadone (sp?) for at night. Well turns out that sleeping medications overdue it for me. Doesn't matter how light the dose is, sadly. I tried Melatonin to, but no luck there either. I just end up sleeping for days, literally. Anyway, after five years I had to get off Zoloft because it was no longer working. I had then been switched to Citalopram or knockoff Celexa. I've been there ever since.

Being on medication causes me to be, "normal" by normal standards or as everyday people on the street would have it be known. Honestly I would rather be off of any medications but that is such a bad idea that I automatically banish it from my thoughts. I was off my meds for a month and it was absolutely horrible. Especially for my fiance.

Right now I guess I am dealing with feelings of extreme depression from making some bad choices and I am again dealing with a large amount of anxiety. I am not sure what to say or do anymore that might actually help. I keep being plagued with thoughts about suicide and I know that isn't a good idea at all, but I am not sure how to get past all this.

I see my therapist again next week which will hopefully help. I am not sure where to go with my life right now, or how to get rid of these suicidal thoughts but maybe I will try this technique about talking to myself in a mirror like my dad suggested. At this point anything could help.


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