I am getting divorced. My wife lied to me about everything. All of my attempts to win her back including 4 bags of rose petals and 150 candles  were for not. I blame myself for letting her explore her  options with him, I have been the most understanding husband in this horrible situation. But you can't make anyone love you no matter how hard you try. She spent May 1st to 5th in Boston with him and thats when everyone of her friends told me about the levels of deciet that are unfathomable. Ironically on Mondat night (the 5th) when she came home I told her I want all or nothing.  I got down on one knee and re-proposed to her, everytone thought I was nuts! She said she had to think about it, which pretty much told me my answer. She officially told me she wants a divorce wednesday night. We are both doing a non contested mediated divorce which should make it easier and faster.So now I am a straight positive guy with two children and that scares the living crap out of me. I consider myself to be very attractive and athletic, because I get hit on by females all the time. But what HIV- woman would want me. Its different for a HIV- guy like the one my wife is now in love with, they just think , Oh I'll put on a condom. But for a female its more intimate, without being graphic – they are the ones being penetrated & it means alot more. It would be great to find a woman, positive or not that loves me for myself. I know that getting divorced is not going to make me happy right now. But it will let me be free, free from her and her lies. Free to regain the confidence I once had as an attractive male. And free to become a better person for myself and my two children. I get up each morning and kiss my kids and get them ready for school. I feed them and cook for them and help them with their homework. I am the one who spends "time" with them and provide a safe secure environment for them. And I am the one that tucks them in at night and kisses their forheads goodnight. It is at that moment last night that I realized that I am not alone, and that I truly have the best part of my wife here with me in my children. One day at a time, tomorrow has yet to happen. Yet I still remain….broken!

2 Comments
  1. captcosmos65 14 years ago

    Be strong B. you know you can.  You will come out of this hole better in the long run.  I know I have been in that hole before.   If I can do anything for you, let me know.  (p.s. I deleted said person from my friends list.)

     

    captcosmos

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  2. cheydon 14 years ago

    Understanding how you feel. I have been divorced for years, raising my son and scared to date for fear of the pain. When you see your children, you more than likely see the best of your self. 

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