Yesterday I attended a group meeting in which included the VP and managers of the corperation I work for. This was a diversity meeting that meant I had to at minuim introduce myself (name, job, how long, likes etc). When I was told a few weeks ago that I was picked to attend this meeting I just wanted to die! And as the time got closer my stomach was in knots. I knew I didn't do well in social gatherings and especially if they included authority figures so I was completely sick of the thought. I wanted to so badly not to attend this meeting for fear that I knew I would be totally uncomfortable and that if I had to speak I would make a complete and utter fool of myself! Well I got to the meeting and to make this short the first thing we had to do in this large group of about 30 people, had to introduce ourselves. As we went around the room one by one, I tried to calm myself and think of what I was going to say, I listened to how everyone in ther express themselves so well and I just became more afraid because I knew when my time came around I would not remember anything to say and I wouldn't make any since! My time to speak came around, no I did not pass out from a panic attack, cry or run out of the room but I do feel that I made a complete fool of myself, I felt like a freaking inmature fool that can't talk and I'm 48 freaking years old!!! I was told that I did good but I know they only said that because they knew how extremely nervous I was…while speaking I went as far as telling this qroup of people "how extremely shy I was and how I didn't do well in group settings". How stupid is that!! Anyway that episode led me to the internet to do some research on "Social Anxiety" and ran across this site and thought I would stop in to see if there was any viable support. I just have to get out of this bondage, I know that there is such a big part of me that want out, want to be freed of this debilitating hold!!
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I've been there too. You could have been describing me. I wish I knew the solution but I don't. I don't know if talking about your problem was a stupid thing to do though. I usually just try and pretend it is not there and that doesn't work. I end seeming weird or uninterested/unfocused. I guarentee you it appeared a lot worse to you than to anyone else. Good luck to you.
I have just signed up for anxietytribe and browsing through not sure how to begin. I am quite accomplished, intelligentand used to be visible socially. Two years ago, I began experiencing fear. A new doctor, attraction to a new woman, being the center of attention. I break out in heavy sweat at times, have not seeked councelling yet. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with a husband and wife doctors who want to rent my condo, I was freaking out. I took 1mg tablet of Ativan to see if it really works, I think it has a calming effect on me. We shall see if it works tomorrow.