So i just got back from church, i dont go every week, maybe once a twice a month once to do sunday school. The last few years the church have been raising funds for a new church building, now it's been here a few months i really dont like it. It's so bright!! it doesn't feel like a church. I'm not saying churches should be gloomy but this just doesn't feel right you know. I'm a very self conscious human being, with the bright lights and the whire walls i feel like i'm on show 100% i've only been to the new bulding 2 or 3 times so far but each time i've felt awful. I feel really hot, sweaty but clammy, my voice breaks when i sing, i can feel everyone around me..just argh! i had to sit down during todays service during worship just to breath coz i felt like my legs were about to give way! I downloaded a breathing app on my phone last night so i practised that in my head. breath in for 5 breath out for 10. It helped but i felt so stupid..I'm at home having lunch now and i'm exhausted!! got to go to work in half an hour *sigh* please be an easy shift! I don't have the strength today, it puts me off going back to church purely because of how i feel after. Maybe it doesn't help that i have no one to sit with. my younger sister and her boyfriend were satnear the front in the middle (we don't get on that well) so i left them too it. then my dad came in 20 miinutes later to my relief (we don't get on but can make small-talk). I wish i had somebody who i knew or who could make me feel more confident. i hope i don't feel like this at work. may have to have an energy drink. i feel so flat 🙁 dont cry dont cry!!


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