SO…just waking up I was thrown in the middle of another fight with my parents. do to finical problems be we have no money until wedsenday. been there done that quite alot. so mom is yelling for him to do something, call a food bank, anything.

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and she keeps complaining to me like i'm a therapist while i'm barely holding on myself. It gets me so irritated, it makes my blood boils. I can't deal with her crab anymore it adds WAY to much pressure and stress to my already broken down body

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I don't want to stay here but I hae no where else to go. I am on disability (which she always takes recently claiming the family need it) I don't mind sharing if they do, but she blew some of it on a mini vacation to the fucking beach!

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i'm surrounded my negative engery everywhere, on the outside and on the inside. I hae to reassure everyone when I don't even know if i'm going to be here he next day. mom, she's a complete child and complains about everything.

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"i lost my house" "i've been working x amount of hours can't you take care of it" "my feet hurt" make me this,make me that. I'M NOT HER DAMNED MAID. >:(

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i'm rambling i'm sorry but i've been seriously stressed, and one thing thats gets me is "when are you ever going to get up" does she not get how bad my depression is!? let alonehow dare she when she isn't even up!

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worst when she drinks or is an a bad mood im her scape goat, and get verbally abused, then the next morning she either forgot it happened of 'cries' and asks me to forgive her. which i do to keep the peace but i NEVER forget what happened.

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alright i'm going to shut up now. but this is just a small glimpse of these people I call 'family' and i'm sick of it.

2 Comments
  1. bridgie101 6 years ago

    Drinking costs money she is saying she doesn\'t have.

    Someone\'s not being totally honest here.

    Has your family dug a vegetable garden? What is being done to help stretch the money? when you say there is no money till Wednesday, do you mean no food?

    Terrible lack of organisation. Does either of your parents know how to use excel? They need a budget.

    As to you, find out who is wanting a room-mate. Look around. You might have to leave town but would that bother you? Your mum is just a stress bunny, and you\'re absorbent.

    Have you told her how badly she affects you?

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  2. aquazium 10 months ago

    I totally understand, have been in and out of what you’re experiencing for over a year now. my parents argue all the time about finances. Last summer and throughout last fall we had to get food from our church’s food bank. it was scary and humiliating at times. I felt so poor, I felt so appreciative of gifts because we almost never had money for anything extra. my dad is the real issue, he always complains to be about how hard his life is, when my life is the hard one because im the one who holds us all together. I’m the one who listens. and yeah, my body is beat up and broken as well. I also want to leave, our house isn’t safe, but I don’t have a license or a car and we’re quarantined anyway, so i feel like there’s nowhere I could go. I want to murder my parents sometimes, do you know what I mean? people can just be absolute b****’s sometimes, even in your own family. I’m sorry you have to go through that, it’s heckin rough. I think meditation might help you, it’s helped me. Also having a support group, like this.
    I never forget what happens either. My dad yells crapp at me and forgets the awful things he says, but I remember , and there’s a long list of them. If my mom leaves, I want to die. I can’t make it on my own here. My friends are trying to convince me not to die, but it isn’t working because i’d have nowhere else to go anyway. Why not set me free? Why can’t I be free?

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