Lemme start by saying things are NOT as bad, complicated, erratic, etc, as they were, so that’s a positive point to ponder. Since my partner wound up not going into work, two weeks ago, he’s been basically hanging out and doing his own thing, lately. But, that’s OK–for now, anyway. Besides, the ‘boss’ from his job has even told him to come talk to him, so they might be able to fit him in, somewhere else, instead of in harm’s way, where the maniacs kept trying to run him down with their vehicles…. *sigh
i wound up rescheduling my therapy appointment i had scheduled for last week. i dunno….it seems that i have trouble, especially lately, with trying to maintain enough focus to get much of anything productive done, in my workbooks (one’s for survivors of trauma and the other’s for DBT). i dunno if it means i’m healing or getting any better, or what, but my emotions don’t seem quite as strong as they were, concerning my daughter. i keep thinking: it’s probably the numbness-factor. And, that’s OK, i guess. i’ve noticed, as of late, how much it bothers me to watch/listen to any sort of programming that involves a lot of drug-usage or/and overdosing. For now, though, that’s gotta be OK, too. It’s not tooo hard for me to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings with my partner, and it’s a social atmosphere, kinda, so….that tends to help, somewhat. i haven’t tried any other type meetings, lately (Al-Anon or Narc-Anon), so i still don’t know if i’d get much out of them….i REALLY do miss the Families Anonymous group/meetings….and people. *sigh Ya know, i still have a hard time understanding people–or, at least certain aspects, anyway. Why is it OK to do whatever YOU wanna do, whenever YOU wanna do it, but i’m “supposed” to do a, b, and c, as specific times and under any conditions??? Fair? No, life ain’t fair–i know this. BUT, double-standards and hypocrisy really…..ERK me. ugggggggggghhhhhhh OK…another test, i suppose. woooooooooooosssssssssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh People are gonna do whatever they’re gonna do, and i have NO control over them, that, whatever. The only control i have is over myself, and a lot of the time, i don’t even FEEL like i have that. So, i have to learn to believe, instead of going on my feelings…… Well, it sounds good, anyway. Hope….continuing to hope that ONE day, and sooner–rather than later–Petey and Gabe will wanna talk, or at least vent a bit—yell, whatever. *sigh So, i wait…..still. Just need to keep working on me and trying to be a better person. i can’t fix anyone else, and i can’t fix any relationship that i’m not allowed to be ‘in’…..So, i’ll do what i can do, and try to hold out and hope.
i hope this wasn’t too much of a disappointment or boring read…lol just catchin up, kinda. i hope you’re all doing as well as you can be, at this particular point in time. Please, take care’a yourselves!!!! YOU matter!!!!! ******Hugs******