I’ve taken up drinking, so far it is grand. It’s the only thing that got me thru work today was knowing I had alcohol at home. It makes my brain fuzzy and helps me to forget the horrible things. I hate my life. I actually hate it. I hate this feeling and I hate that no one understands me. I hate being here. I hate being alive. I hate breathing. I just wanna stop. I hate that someone at work hates me and is talking nasty about me behind my back. I hate it that she gives me dirty looks at work and my manager wont do anything about the fact that she yelled at me. She didn’t even apologize. And I’m a terrible person and I want to die. I want to just be gone. I don’t want to deal with any of this. The most terrible part is that I know there are tons of people at work who love me. And I can’t focus on them I can’t focus on anything but the fact that she yelled at me and then called me a lazy sucking up bitch behind my back. I don’t want people to think I’m a bitch. I’m not one. I know that not everyone will like me. But this bookstore is so small and tight knight. Everyone knows everything. And I have to go in there with my head held high and just pretend like I don’t know that people are talking nasty behind my back. I do care. I can’t just say fuck it like I should. I don’t want to face work tomorrow but I know I will cuz my mom did not raise me to be a quitter. Damn it. I’m not a lazy bitch. I work so hard. I worked really really hard to be as important as I am to my manager. I worked really really hard to be trusted this much. I worked really hard to get to this point where he wants to make me manager and now I don’t even want it. I don’t want anyone to hate me.  I’ve always worked hard. My whole life. At Wal-Mart I gave my all and they wanted to make me customer service manager and then dept manager over automotive. So many people there loved me too. I thought I was making a difference over here. But maybe I should just move back home. That’s what lazy bitches do right. Who cares. I’ll just go live on the street. Maybe i’ll be an alcoholic that sounds like fun. Course I’ll probly never find a boyfriend but whatever. I’ve gone this long without true love I’m sure I could go forever. But maybe within a couple weeks of being on the street i’ll be dead. Actually I could probly go for a walk behind my apt in the ghetto and I bet I could get shot or talk someone into shooting me. Oh yay my head is getting fuzzy. Maybe in a coupla mins I’ll be passed out.