I’ve taken up drinking, so far it is grand. It’s the only thing that got me thru work today was knowing I had alcohol at home. It makes my brain fuzzy and helps me to forget the horrible things. I hate my life. I actually hate it. I hate this feeling and I hate that no one understands me. I hate being here. I hate being alive. I hate breathing. I just wanna stop. I hate that someone at work hates me and is talking nasty about me behind my back. I hate it that she gives me dirty looks at work and my manager wont do anything about the fact that she yelled at me. She didn’t even apologize. And I’m a terrible person and I want to die. I want to just be gone. I don’t want to deal with any of this. The most terrible part is that I know there are tons of people at work who love me. And I can’t focus on them I can’t focus on anything but the fact that she yelled at me and then called me a lazy sucking up bitch behind my back. I don’t want people to think I’m a bitch. I’m not one. I know that not everyone will like me. But this bookstore is so small and tight knight. Everyone knows everything. And I have to go in there with my head held high and just pretend like I don’t know that people are talking nasty behind my back. I do care. I can’t just say fuck it like I should. I don’t want to face work tomorrow but I know I will cuz my mom did not raise me to be a quitter. Damn it. I’m not a lazy bitch. I work so hard. I worked really really hard to be as important as I am to my manager. I worked really really hard to be trusted this much. I worked really hard to get to this point where he wants to make me manager and now I don’t even want it. I don’t want anyone to hate me.  I’ve always worked hard. My whole life. At Wal-Mart I gave my all and they wanted to make me customer service manager and then dept manager over automotive. So many people there loved me too. I thought I was making a difference over here. But maybe I should just move back home. That’s what lazy bitches do right. Who cares. I’ll just go live on the street. Maybe i’ll be an alcoholic that sounds like fun. Course I’ll probly never find a boyfriend but whatever. I’ve gone this long without true love I’m sure I could go forever. But maybe within a couple weeks of being on the street i’ll be dead. Actually I could probly go for a walk behind my apt in the ghetto and I bet I could get shot or talk someone into shooting me. Oh yay my head is getting fuzzy. Maybe in a coupla mins I’ll be passed out.

2 Comments
  1. WadeAlexander72 12 years ago

    First thing I have to say is get yourself the hell away from alcohol. It will do nothing for you. It”s a band-aid solution at best, and makes things worse in the long run. This ”cure” is NOT your friend. My father”s family were all drinkers, and my father was the worst of them all. He drank like hell and he drank to forget. It caused so many problems……and it ended up killing him.

    I completely understand the need to "escape" yourself. I did my bit of drinking here and there but overall it”s a bullshit aid – it won”t help you really. What WILL help you is making changes in your life. Try to get yourself away from that shithead co-worker of yours as much as you can to begin with.

    There is one thing you should know: you will not please everyone no matter what you do. Some people for some reason will take a dislike to you for some reason and no matter what you do you will never please them. You could try and please this pain in the ass but I”d bet no matter what you did, you would never get her approval. She”s also one of these that talks out of her ass so her opinion is a bunch of BS.

    Alcohol is also a depressant so it makes your depression worse, not better.

    What you do need to do is find a way to release this anger at your co-worker. I”d say get a pic of her, put it on one of those inflatable dolls from the toy stores and beat the hell out of her. You may feel like a million bucks afterwards!

     

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  2. redjem 2 years ago

    I kind of now how you feel about the quitting thing. I’ve had people dislike me at work and most of the time it was my reason to quit. So I’d say if you have a good position at your job, don’t quit. To be honest I recently quit my job because I’m feeling the same way you are. In fact I thought about quitting everything, my job, my school and just sitting at home. All because of one stupid person and that’s not worth it.

    I used to drink too to forget about things or just make my day better. I’ve stopped because alcohol is a depressant and it make everything much worse.
    On the good note at least you can say you aren’t hated at work cause I’ve been hated, in fact I think every job I’ve had people did not like me. They hardly ever spoke to me or even attempted to interact with me.

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