In this article, I’m going to start a Diary of the experiences I have with my abusive father. There’s a lot of abuse talk on this site, but if you don’t want to read about that, feel free to stop right now:)

Dear Diary,

Today Daddy and I ate lunch together, which I usually try to avoid because he loves talking to me and I don’t always have the patience to listen.

It was mostly silence for a while, but then he randomly said he’s been having a lot of fights with my mom(which is true) and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

I know my mom has her issues too, and I was just grateful for the opportunity to maybe help my dad a bit more. He’s pretty stubborn, but at that moment he seemed pretty broken and willing to listen to me, which is rare. I just made the most of it.

Compassion is dangerous, which means I’m dangerous. If you care about people, they can hurt you. I know you can do Gestalt Therapy and actually make it so that they can’t hurt you anymore, no matter what they do, though I don’t think I’m quite there yet…

But it scares me, guys. If I let my dad rant at me, it’s going to be harder to protect myself. At least that’s what I think. It’s harder to fight back when I see him as a person… which is the best perspective you could have… but I’m still figuring out where the lines lay. Boundaries are good:)

I can’t believe I did that though! I didn’t yell at him or ignore him like I usually do! I actually listened! I know he might not listen to me or care about me no matter what I do, but I think it was the right thing to do and I’m proud of myself for pulling it off:)

Love,

Your friend:)