"I am looking for a young lady named Sabrina who used to be a waitress at a Buffalo Wild Wings in Creve Coeur, but no longer works there. I am not seeking any kind of relationship with her other than friends or just purely a "customer/waitress relationship", if it can be called such a thing. Sabrina, I miss you–I found you to be delightful; yes, I realize that's your job to be kind to the customers, and it helps you get good tips, etc. I just want to have your smile back in my life somehow! Would love to come see you and just be your customer at whatever restaurant you might be working at now. Nothing more than that–I swear!"–an ad I wrote on Craigslist.

The following is a repost of a blog I wrote on Myspace(yeah, I know Myspace has been destroyed by the likes of Facebook, but I was still going on there occasionally to blog because you can't do that on Facebook, but now that I know that this particular site exists, I probably will just do all my blogging on here from now on)ssometime in the recent past:

Her name was Sabrina…and I'll never see her again…they say people like me wear their hearts out on their sleeve…so therefore, I don't give a flying f!$k that I'm making this available for people to read if they choose to do so….I spoke of her before in Dark Days, Part 58,(on my Myspace blogs) I think it was…Sabrina is a waitress at a restaurant that I occasionally frequent…I don't even think the food there is that great, but I like the sports bar aspect of it and it's not far from where I live(It's a Buffalo WIld Wings, if you really wanna know)…..and Sabrina kept waiting on me to the point that when she saw me enter, she knew what drink I always got and made it for me right away and served it to me without me even having to ask…(never even charged me for it when the bill came for that matter)…Anyway, I started to take a liking to her; she was this cute, petite blonde girl with a beautiful smile…and she even told me what nights she worked there so I would know what nights to come in and see her…she told me one of the nights that she worked there was Wednesday, so that's the night I would always go…So I went there one night recently but she wasn't there….Now she did tell me once before that she MOSTLY works Wednesday nights,.so obviously, that meant there might be some Wednesday nights that she might not work there…so I figured this must be one of those nights…but it was the second Wednesday night in a row that she wasn't there, so I was saddened not to see her again….but thought it somewhat suspicious that she wasn't there two Wednesdays in a row…

So I took it upon myself to ask the waitress that was waiting on me last night if Sabrina in fact wasn't scheduled to work that night…her answer?"She is no longer working with this company"… I was stunned… What could have happened to her?…Did she get fired or did she quit?…She seemed so happy working there….Now, as I mentioned, I took a liking to her, but I also mentioned in "Dark Days Part 58" reasons why I currently could not ask her or any other girl out for that matter..Not to mention I have what many people would consider much more important things to worry about…but still, in the back of my mind, despite the obstacles I've been dealing with and the reason(s) why I didn't think I could or should ask her out, I didn't rule it out completely…I do things like that…It's the way of The Dreamer I suppose…but I digress….I left the restaurant feeling devastated…I didn't know her by any thing other than her first name….there was no way for me to get in touch with her….So I got the idea to go back in there and ask the manager if she left a forwarding address or phone # of any sort; I was reluctant to do it because I was so afraid it wasn't a proper thing to ask and that it might make me look "stalkerish"…but I had to try…so I went back in and did in fact ask for the manager and asked if he had any kind of address info for her…much to my surprise, he was accomadating(sp?) to me…only asked what I needed/wanted it for…I told him her and I had become close friends and I would like to try to get in touch with her, and he was okay with that… I waited there for about 10 minutes while he went in back…so finally he came back…and he said he was sorry but all her paperwork was already gone…I asked him if he at least knew her last name…he said off the top of his head, he didn't know it…he did mention to me that it was a "bad situation" that caused her to leave and that she was very well-liked there but that she "made a wrong choice"…so I assume that meant she got fired, but I knew they weren't going to give me any more details than that…I don't know what she did…And I don't care…All I know is that I liked her and I'll miss her…She was a breath of fresh air and breathed life into my soul every time I saw her…she was a shining light in the darkness…Again, I don't know if I ever would have asked her out, don't know if she even would have said "yes" if I did, hell, I don't even know if all she was trying to do was get good tips.. But you know what? The point is that there was something about her that was so comforting…and I was always so happy to see her and it was good to know she was there…I mean, you know how it is–how there are some people that are just good to have in your personal "universe"?…That's the kind of person she was—she was a good person to have in my universe. I really DIDN'T need to ask her out–I just needed to know that her smiling face and her vibrant, life-infusing personality was there for me to be in my universe once every couple of weeks or so…
But now she's gone, might as well have just disappeared off the face of the earth to me….Take care Sabrina, where ever you are…I'll miss you.

.Epilouge: Turns out I couldn't quite give up on my quest to find Sabrina even after all of which I tried which I mentioned above. Weeks later, I saw another waitress at the restaurant that I knew had worked with Sabrina before when she was working there–I asked this particular waitress if she still kept in touch with Sabrina, she told me she did. Then she told me the name of a couple of other restaurants in the area where she thought Sabrina might be working now. I looked into it though, and she wasn't working at either one. So…I got nuts enough about this to, as an apparent method of last resort, write an ad on Craigslist(!) to see if that might somehow help to track her down. The ad is what I posted at the intro of this blog. I never posted anything on Craigslist before, but I figured my chances of finding her that way were slim to none…and, of course, thus far they are.

Look, I know this all must sound crazy–and I certainly DO hope that it all doesn't sound stalker-ish–but…as I said about how some people are good to have in your universe…I mean, I just had this urge to everything I possibly could to try to find her…to keep her in my universe… And believe me, I am NOT a pushy person, and am cursed with massive self-awareness, so it was extremely difficult for me to ask the manager and the waitress friend of Sabrina if they had any info as to where her current whereabouts might be. Anyway….if it has been nuts or irrational of me, the good news is that I'm fairly certain that with the Craigslist ad, my quest to find her is finally at an end…I mean, I don't know what else I can possibly do–short of trying to ask the waitress-friend of hers for Sabrina's phone# or email address–but that feels like I would be pushing the envelope too much…at this point, I just gotta give it a rest, don't I?….Again, I know it all sounds crazy on my part, but…Sabrina was kind of an "anti-depressant" in her own way to me, you know what I mean?…And God knows people like us need good anti-depressants!….

Anyway I had to write about it…it eases the pain just a little bit..I hope anyone who might have taken the time to read this can understand…and thank you to anyone out there who did read this for taking the time to do so.