My Fight Against Depression

Part – 1 : 25th May 2015

Its been nearly two years now. I feel my head keeps on spinning…..MRI scan says everything is fine. I feel tired all the time…..ECG test gives a normal report. I feel sad and not happy…..I have all the worldly pleasures around me – my darling kid, perfect loving husband, well earning job, high respect in professional circle, a bunch of close friends. What is the reason behind my feeling so miserable and pathetic? Someone may conclude that I am just lazy and a sadist. Is it? I was not like that!!!

Medical reports are all normal. My physician says you think too much. Relax and calm down. My brain cells have become hyperactive just like me. The moment they read about any crime happening (especially against the empowered gender – that’s how I like to refer female gender), they feel that entire burden of preventing such crimes is on them!! All kinds of negative emotions attach like a magnet to them. I wonder if am the Spiderman who must keep a watch on all wrong-doings going to happen under the sun and stop them from actually happening. My mind has just become too cluttered. Nothing seems to wipe out the garbage. It remains so heavy that I feel out of 62 kgs of my body weight, 60 kg is this mind itself! It may blast anytime – as if safety valve of the pressure cooker has failed to perform its duty. My near one says – you don’t look happy, something is troubling you. Today I wanted to COL (cry out loud – a clone of LOL J) cry my heart out…but in front of whom, where, upon whose shoulders, in whose lap? Amidst so many questions, I forgot to cry.

However, my hyperactive brain cells do have a flipside – the power of navigation! Navigating through sources of knowledge just like a GPS which can guide you out from a desert to a safe habitation. I have been surfing through all sorts of online portals – blogs, discussion forums, advisory web-pages, physician’s tips etc. Though only a certified MBBS can diagnose a medical condition, my GPS cells have been able to find out that I am bestowed upon a terminology known as “Depression”. Then what? Everywhere they say try to be happy, not to think much, be carefree, exercise blah blah. Where is the strength to do all this?

When in doubt, seek divine blessings. I shut my eyes (but again….could not shut my mind). I admit that I am carrying unnecessary burden on my little 2.5 kg mind. And I commit to undertake “Waste Management” – to free my mind of all the garbage. How? No option but to try all the blah blah that so many forums have suggested.

I am putting my experiment in black and white with two objectives – one, to share with people so that they can benefit from it and avoid trial and error. Two, to vent out my inner feelings which otherwise I would not want my near and dear ones to pay heed to and get disturbed.

So here goes the beginning of my fight against all odds. Penning down helps me to stay glued to the objective and hooked on – not to stray away elsewhere. May God Bless me with good days ahead so that I can keep my near and dear ones happy and spread a positive wave all around.

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