Well, this morning, I never expected my dad to come over today. The last time I saw him was 2 years ago I guess. For me, it's been so long.

We greeted (I noticed the smell of cigarette which I hate) and asked me to hang out him along with my brother and sister. I was very excited. I mean I wanted to go out with at least one of my parents for a very long time. Then my mum said I couldn't go…

My sister made a riot again. So it was partly her fault and I suspect another reason is that my mum don't trust Dad. I went back to my room and sunk in bed. I wanted to cry. Before I didn't know why because I didn't really miss Dad. Now I realised how much I wanted to hang out with my family.

My family has a lot of problems that we don't go out together no more. For one moment I thought that mum doesn't understand my loneliness and keeps making me be in pain all the time but I know that I can't blame her, it's not her fault that the family is in a mess. I understand that something needs to be done, however I don't have the power to do anything.

Well, I was happy that Dad invited me and others to go out with him. That's all. And for a moment I forgot about keeping my expectations low so now the pain did quite a good job on me.

My birthday is coming really soon. Wednesday 28th July. Me and  my boyfriend have already planned a date on my birthday. I am very excited about it but this is another thing I have high expectations for. So now I have to keep my excitement and expectations low again. In case something really bad happens and the pain would actually do a really good  job on me. Now I can't shake off that feeling because I am really scared. I'm such a wimp. Although I do prefer it that way.