Lately I just feel so damn down and depressed where nothing seems to make me happy. I mean I have a great loving and understandinf fiance which I am very lucky to have found, I have friends that care sometimes and hang out with me. But why cant I ever be truly happy……. Its like a tilt-a-whirl in my head and its making me sick.

So, I went to my doctor last week and had a discussion that just makes me feel like crap. So yes I know I have gain weight and I hate myself for it. But then she told me that the meds. I'm on could be part of my binge eating that made me gain 20lbs in 6 months. Its hard because I have polycysts disorder and its the only thing that has been helping control that. So BOOM what do I do. I hate the way that I look and if I come off this meds I might lose the weight that I have been so wanting to do, but then I have to try all different kinds of meds again to see if it will help with the cysts but in the time period I'm in pain and possibly could ruin my left ovarie with scar tissue which could mean that I would be able to have my own children…. AHHH!! I hate this.. Do I want to lose my weight and be selfish and take the chance or do I want to keep getting bigger and bigger till I hate myself even more…

Can someone help me please! Help set my mind straight help me stop the tilt-a-whirl from taking over my life. I want to be selfish and lose the weight so I feel better but do I want to take the chance of never having my own children? OMG its just overwhelms me.