This is the first time I  have gathered the courage to address my fear and anxiety in a support group.It might perhaps  look like I am venting out but this is me reaching out for support and reassurance

How do u deal with failures ,setbacks and rejections?? You move on ,take it in your stride and learn from these experiences.
Yes ,I have heard this time and again but could never get past my failures and rejections
Growing up , I was an  introvert with really low self esteem.I managed to score well in exams and was counted among the good students .In this part of the world where I live ,scoring good marks matters the most and yes that was the only factor that made me feel good about myself
My tryst with failure started when I couldn\’t clear the entrance exams for admission into a medical college. I had taken a drop year to prepare for the entrance exam and my parents had to shell out  a good amount of money for the same. I was criticized and judged for failing that exam ,it was a major blow for my  already weak self esteem
This was almost a decade ago,I am almost 30 now and I am sacred of failures and rejections. I was never ever able to dream big .I managed to graduate with a degree in engineering ( job security being the only reason) and secured a job in IT I was naive and thought my work would speak for me and kept to myself and my work but success in the organization for which I worked was based on office politics. It was a toxic work environment and I had to walk away from it
Since then I have been paralyzed by fear and anxiety, it has rendered me inactive
It\’s been 4 years now that I have been unable to come out of the vicious cycle of fear,anxiety, shame ,guilt and frustration
I tried applying for new job opportunities ,moved  to a new city and tried escaping the shackles of my past.I had to move back with my parents due to the ongoing pandemic and it just crushed my spirit. There are days when I am motivated to learn new skills but when I apply for jobs I am filled with self doubt.
I have tried to reach out to people, to network but I am engulfed by my fear of embarrassing myself.
I have always turned away from my fear and it has almost consumed me. There is a small voice within me that persuades me to  face my fear ,to embrace it and here I am saying it out loud …
I want to face my fear head on!!
I want to build a beautiful life driven by faith , not shrink into my comfort zone
2 Comments
  1. hlebhleb 3 months ago

    Hi Athira, similar situation with me. I ended up going into engineering only because I didn’t know what I wanted in life. Honestly I was so consumed in anxiety that I didn’t really believe I could do anything well. I ended up changing careers, and life has improved a bit for me since then, but I still struggle with anxiety. Faith has also played a big role in my life. I’m a Muslim, and I can honestly tell you that Islam is the thing that has kept me going all these years. Wish you all the best! Remember, never give up! It will get better, God willing!

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    • Author
      athira 3 months ago

      Thank you so much for your kind words !!!
      I will find the faith to overcome my fear

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