This is the first time I have gathered the courage to address my fear and anxiety in a support group.It might perhaps look like I am venting out but this is me reaching out for support and reassurance
How do u deal with failures ,setbacks and rejections?? You move on ,take it in your stride and learn from these experiences.
Yes ,I have heard this time and again but could never get past my failures and rejections
Growing up , I was an introvert with really low self esteem.I managed to score well in exams and was counted among the good students .In this part of the world where I live ,scoring good marks matters the most and yes that was the only factor that made me feel good about myself
My tryst with failure started when I couldn\’t clear the entrance exams for admission into a medical college. I had taken a drop year to prepare for the entrance exam and my parents had to shell out a good amount of money for the same. I was criticized and judged for failing that exam ,it was a major blow for my already weak self esteem
This was almost a decade ago,I am almost 30 now and I am sacred of failures and rejections. I was never ever able to dream big .I managed to graduate with a degree in engineering ( job security being the only reason) and secured a job in IT I was naive and thought my work would speak for me and kept to myself and my work but success in the organization for which I worked was based on office politics. It was a toxic work environment and I had to walk away from it
Since then I have been paralyzed by fear and anxiety, it has rendered me inactive
It\’s been 4 years now that I have been unable to come out of the vicious cycle of fear,anxiety, shame ,guilt and frustration
I tried applying for new job opportunities ,moved to a new city and tried escaping the shackles of my past.I had to move back with my parents due to the ongoing pandemic and it just crushed my spirit. There are days when I am motivated to learn new skills but when I apply for jobs I am filled with self doubt.
I have tried to reach out to people, to network but I am engulfed by my fear of embarrassing myself.
I have always turned away from my fear and it has almost consumed me. There is a small voice within me that persuades me to face my fear ,to embrace it and here I am saying it out loud …
I want to face my fear head on!!
I want to build a beautiful life driven by faith , not shrink into my comfort zone