So…I actually got the courage to read Griffon\'s response….Honestly what it said surprised me…I don\'t know what to think…but here\'s what he said:

"I don\'t see why you would consider reaching out to me, but I guess anything is possible. I guess I can be there for you if you are having problems or just need someone to talk to but, I\'m still a bit frustrated as to why whenever I tried to reach out to you and try to be friendly you rejected me. I don\'t see why you choose to do it now."

So…Here\'s what i\'m going to reply to him…What do you think? and…Should I trust in what he\'s saying? What if he\'s just playing me?… anyway here\'s what I wrote so far…

"i\'m sorry that I did that to you, At the time though it was so hard to trust anyone, Because when I thought I could trust someone they just stabbed me in the back, because of this I\'ve fallen into alot of dark times before.

so it became natural for me to push people away, and I\'m trying to fix that now, I chose now because it\'s taken so long to build up the courage to even get this far. I honestly never meant to make you feel frustrated, I didn\'t know you felt that way.

Like I said so much has happened over the past few years, I fuck up when it comes to people now ,because I can\'t see why anyone would actually want to be around someone like me…But I really am sorry that I would reject you and make you frustrated because of that, Honestly, at the time I was scared and didn\'t know what to think, but…I don\'t want to hurt the people who have tried to help me out anymore..

If you’re willing, maybe we can try again?…This must seem so out of the blue but it\'s been on my mind for such a long time now ,I want to work on things, I just finally had to act on those thoughts. I\'m sorry..Really I am.."

So…Should I reply to him? I\'m still so scared, what if he\'s playing me? and is laughing behind my back like this is a joke? or what if it\'s true? but why would someone want to reach out to someone like \'me\' anyway? I\'m so horrible.

I shouldn\'t be allowed to live on this earth, not to mention I also got into ANOTHER fight with my mom, and It caused me to cut and abuse my Valium and oxycodone just to feel numb…I even started to burn myself last night…

I\'m really falling behind in this world…