So I haven\'t visited here in a while and I feel bad because this has been my support network and I want to let everyone know how things are going, and how life in general has been.
So things have def been on and off. I spent the last week visiting friends and I had a great time except for when the time came to leave to return home. I couldn\'t sleep at all the night before and it seemed almost like all the things at home that I had gotten away from were crashing down on me all at once. I sit here right honestly more anxious then I have been in a long time and it is scary and frustrating and I honestly have a really intense feeling of dispair and hopelessness. I can\'t seem to focus on anything and I am just having trouble sitting still along enough to put a few thoughts together.
Now I know there are a few reasons for this, at least that I can pinpoint at the moment. I am worried about money and my future, but then again who isn\'t? I just got a new job, which pays more than my current job and has much greater opportunities for advancement, and yet I am still not satisfyed. I\'m only 22 and I know I have time to think about my future but all my friends I graduated high school with are graduating all around me and it makes me feel worthless and even inferior. I want to finish school but that\'s where the money problems come into play and that\'s where my anxiety follows.
Finally I really like a girl who has someone but is confused and has no idea what she wants which is hurting me and yet I keep hanging on. She spends all her time with me, treats me like the boyfriend, calls me babe, and yet still is officially with him.
At this point in my life, I am truly lost. I\'ve never felt this low or confused or anxious. I know it\'ll get better but right now is a pretty low time and I\'d like to thanks those who read this and have experienced some of the same feelings
Peace and hopefully Calm someday