~I\'ve done it again

maybe for the last time

can\'t seem to learn

to hold things inside

~i\'ve tried so hard

to change my ways

working tirelessly

for better days

~yet still i fail

        and torture souls

am i just

fucking dillusional

~tomorrow would be

the best of days

did i screw that up

with my fucked up ways

 ~why cant i

seem to contimplate

life can be so bright

 now, myself i hate

 ~draining life

from all thats good

spreading my curse

perhaps i should think first

 ~now i want

to just fade away

there\'s no taking back

 so this price i pay

~just want to sleep

 to rest my head

or just sit and cry

but will my tears turn red

this next part just happened as i was writing this blog.

shit, my 6 year old niece just left me a voice mail and she sounded so grown up and sweet. i havent seen her in almost 6 months since i moved to california. she talked for atleast 3 minutes saying how much she loved me, missed me, how life wanst the same with me not there, if i ever needed anything she said i could call, she talked about so many happy things, then so many sad things, she sounded so grown up, i listened to the messege(and i was going to save it so i could hear her voice when i was really missing her), and i accidentely erased it. it may seem dumb to you, but this just fucking destroyed me. i had to keep that messege so i could hear her sweet voice, you shouldve heard how grown  up she was being. i pushed 7 instead of 9 on my phone…..I want to seriously fucking die right now