I haven't been sleeping or eating well at all this past week. Last night was the most sleep that I've gotten (5 hours straight), as I've mostly been sleeping for 2.5-4 hours a night (and then I go to work for 8 hours or more). However, I ended up having a really stressful nightmare last night, the kind that sticks with you all day. I feel it in my chest and I see it every time I blink. Usually if I write about my nightmares, they don't seem as bad, so here goes.
I was working on the top floor of a beautiful modern library in a big city. I was on the administration staff, doing well, and all was bright and beautiful. Suddenly there were explosions outside and everything went dark. People in the office started scattering in seek of shelter and screaming could be heard outside, mingled with the sound of massive bass and sirens.
I was trying to find my way out of the building to find out what was going on when a group of malicious-looking people decended on me and began to chase me. I could see in their exagerated angry expressions that they meant to do me serious harm, and they kept coming close despite the fact that I was running as fast as I could.
A bag of stuff that I believed would help me escape the city was hidden in the basement of my late grandfather's historically old house and I found myself there, running down the stairs and nearly falling in my haste. I grabbed the bag and stopped to pray to my grandpa, but not for long because I could hear one of the killers coming for me.
I went outside and my cousin/best friend, Danielle, was there. She didn't say anything, she just got in the passenger seat of my car and we sped off, weaving through traffic and narrowly missing each vehicle. I hurtled toward the ocean where you could see a small boardwalk amusement park against the fire-lit sky. For a moment, it looked peaceful, until an enormous ferris wheel unhinged and began to roll over the city, crushing people and buildings as it went. It seemed to roll along its path of destruction with a lifelike sense of purpose.
I pulled over on a mountain road and we got out to look down upon the mass chaotic wreckage. Cars were zipping past us but I'd given up on escape. I could feel in my chest that we wouldn't outrun it.
"You did this, you know. And it can't be fixed." I looked over at Danielle after she spoke. Her face was blank, her voice monotone.
"I don't even know how I started it," I whispered, crushed by guilt.
"There never was a beginning. There will only be an end."
I looked over again and she was gone. I watched the world burn, alone, and waited to catch fire.