Death, destruction, and chaos …. that describes my life for the last few years.  I typed this once, but somehow I hit the stupid cancel button.  I guess I am lucky too.  Ha!

So, my sob story …. don’t get me wrong, there were some good things that happened in the last seven years, but gosh …. I used to be a truly happy, upbeat person.  Not anymore.  That has been beat (not literally) out of me.  Now. Most days I think of how nice it will be to be dead.

Starting seven years ago, I lost my job of 15 years  (as did all the people, when they closed) and almost lost my husband the same day.  He was in the hospital, septic and not expected to make it through the day.  Within a year I had a surgery that ended in me having chronic and severe pain all the time.  Two years of financial crisis followed, with a good helping of marriage problems.  Then dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s… sigh.  I moved closer to my parents, while my husband stayed to help out with my father-in-law.

My time with my parents was crippling with bad luck and bad health.  I have lost three best friends in the last two years, mom has tried really hard to die four or five times, dad just gets worse, one daughter has autism (but won’t admit it), I have had my share if weird emergencies, my husband doesn’t communicate with me at all and I really don’t want to be alive most days

My puppers are my small joys.  God has kept me from anything more than just not wanting to be here.

Before all thisI used to love gardening, cooking, reading, sewing, crafts, painting and my animals.  I would love to find “me” again.  I just am not sure what path I need to take to get there. . .