How can anyone accomplish anything like this?

There must be something wrong with me on a genetic level. I can’t see any other way to explain this. I’ll know soon, I get my test results back in 2 weeks. Maybe that will give me some sort of peace of mind…

Potentially, part of my problem is that I have big dreams, I want big things, money, cars, women, a giant house, etc. I live in Birmingham, and I see people with these things. They don’t look any different from me, they don’t look better, or smarter, or superior to me in any way, yet they have exactly what I want and for me, it’s always just beyond my grasp. So what holds me back must be something that I cannot see, something inside. And I believe this is true. Without this…weight, these thoughts, this persistent feeling of…failure? sadness? melancholy?, it’s difficult to name it. Misery comes the closest. Without it I know I could succeed and accomplish…it’s like I can see the sun but I can’t feel it’s warmth.

Such grandiose dreams could be a part of my problem, but without them, life is meaningless. Who can bear to live any less? How can you reason a worthwhile life spent in a service occupation like retail, working for a company that pays you less than what you deserve, while the people on top get rich off of your efforts? Sure, I understand the system, I understand that the management makes decisions that ensure that the workers actually have something to do, so without each other, the other is useless. Many people in upper management have worked their way up from the bottom, but knowing how unbalanced the system is, how can anyone justify participating in it? To cure one problem, you become a part of a bigger problem. What’s more, most of these companies will be here and gone within a century. Without a valid contribution to art, science, politics, philosophy, or war, no one will know you even existed. What is the point of a life like that? You have no choice but to be absorbed into the cycle of life, your genetic material combined with another’s in an attempt to improve on what you did or did not do with your life. Even that is not guaranteed to be successful, for you can pass on inferior genetic material and philosophies to your sons and daughters, at best causing them to stumble in their efforts, at worst insuring their failure.

Well, at least I’m on Strattera, only for a week now so I can’t say that I’m experiencing anything new or different or better, but hopefully something will come back telling me something about something that can at least somehow get fixed in some way…

  1. WadeAlexander72 13 years ago

    The first part of your post makes me think a lot about myself. I also have dreams and aspirations and I have the same thoughts you do. I do know in my case I”m often my own worst enemy. I procrastinate, I shoot myself in the foot, I sabotage myself….I know I fear success so that plays a huge part in my "downfall".

    I suspect it may be your problem as well to some degree (I”m excluding other factors here like environment, people problems, etc….). If you do want something in life I”ve learned you”ve got to fight for it. It”s the only way. Unless you are one of the lucky ones born with tons of money and luck, you WILL have to fight for it. It”s one of those "great" things about humanity.

    I don”t think there”s anything wrong with dreaming. Dreaming is good. It”s the wanting and getting that are the problems for people like us.

    What I hate is when you see an idiot like Paris Hilton who was born rich and will never know a day of hardship in her life.


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  2. aloneandlonely 13 years ago

    I don”t know. How many times do you hear about ppl craving success and money and killing themselves to get it, only to find themselves empty and unsatisfied when they get what they want? Will it all be worth it if you don”t have ppl who love you and care about you to share it with? or do you take it for granted that you will have that also? Just curious.

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  3. storm0313 13 years ago

    I made 6 figures and was unhappy You can have money but the more you have the more you spend and then you have debt.

    You can feel alone and have a lot of money too. Thats how I felt. I”m on disability now. Time is money to me. I have time for me and I love it. I make half of what I made before, come in February I will make 15k less. Oh well is what I say. Now I am focusing on being more healthy. Life is more about the little things. Who cares about work? Work is work LOL  Like you said these damn companies will b gone tomorrow so focus on what really matters in life the small things.. people that care about you..yourself..spirituality..nature..What is sucess to you anyway? To have a big house? nice car? and have a shit load of debt? Thats the way most americans live! The rich people are the ones that don”t have the big houses usually and drive a normal car. Unless your talking hollywood stars and who wants live under cameras?

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