well i am fed  up with life i dont want to go on my life has always sucked and ive always tried to be optimistic and hopeful full of faith but i no longer obtain those feelings i feel as though my life is hopeless and im so angry with god its not fair the life that i have lived since day one my chances for a normal life were slim,my mom just died last week and my dad died when i was 11 i never had much of arelationship with either for diffrent reasons and cercumstances (excuse my spelling)my mom has been on and off of drugs since before i was born and when i was born i was born i had to be kept in the hospital because she did them while she was pregnant with me and ive been moved around from place to place foster homes ,family,streets,with her,and friends…i had so much resentment towards her for that that whenever i did try to work on things with her i had my guard up and also she would let me down again and again and remained to try she also always when i was growing up would get my hopes up telling me we were goin to be a happy family.the places i was placed in where not the greatest either…been around alcholics,been molested by my grandfather,always put down and picked on thats just some of it…..soo a few  years ago i stopped speaking with my mom i didnt see her changing and didnt want my son to be around her like that and she made acouple of attempts to speak with me but i didnt want nothing to do with her i was soo angry and last week she died in her apartment and no one not my grandmother her brother or my brother didnt want nothing to do with her and im sooo mad cause i feel guilty she was all alone no one she finally got her sh*t together and she was really trying and no one told me…also she was really sick she needed a hip replacement she couldnt walk she was in a wheelchair she wasnt able to hold her bowels and i wasnt there to help ….why couldnt god have given me achance of having my mom finally its not f@cking fair thats all i ever wanted and prayed for was to have my mom and to be happy and he has not given me either why couldnt he have put her in the hospital and given me a chance instead of taking her from me and me from her for that matter why couldnt we just had atleast a few days together or a month or atleast a conversation im sooo angry its not fair….’,2);" href="javascript:void(0);" _fcksavedurl="javascript:void(0);"> i had to creamate her and do all the arrangments myself never had i ever had to go through that its so hard to go through.so i really cant take no more i dont want to hurt no more i wish god would just take me but he wouldnt cause that would be giving me what i want huh…