I have had so much on my mind lately it's not even funny. I hate the ppl i work for, my husband and I are not getting along and our finances are shit. I hate feeling like I'm trapped into things. My job for instance. I love the work I do but the ppl I work for r pieces of shit. I need a job cause I'm the sole provider for my family but hate having to be at a place where I'm unhappy. I also babysit and feel like i"m stuck doing that to. I know my friend depends on me and I charge her cheap to help her out but I just don't like feeling tied up and comitted to something. I wanted to go back to school but with the baby i watch I'm S-O-L. My husband got a part time job finally but now is having problems with his legs. He has to stand all day on the job and is not supposed to because of his back injury. One of his feet has been bothering him and is now really swollen and awful looking. We dont have insurance and he doesnt want to go to the emergency room to get it looked at. I tell him to worry about the cost later. He rather get and infection (he also has a sore on his foot) and get his foot amputated or die from and infection. I swear he is so damn selfish. It pisses me off. We just dont get along and I have been so unhappy with him for a long time. Why is life so damn hard!? I just want to be happy. Even if I was finacially barely making it like I am now it would be alot easier if my husband wasn't sucha dick. I am just feeling like I am entering into that dark place I don't want to be in. A few years ago I was in such a deep hole and was barely functioning. I don't want to be there again. God please give me the strength to carry on! I need to keep my head above the water for my kids. I dont want to lose those years with them again. My brain is going a million miles an hour and am tired. Just so tired of being sick and tired…..

1 Comment
  1. american_vamp 11 years ago

     if you have a car, just drive your husband to the ER. you can say you're going to mcdonalds or something. which isn't quite honest, but i think sometimes God forgives little white lies when it's best for the ones we love. 

    its MUCH cheaper to have him get prescribed some antibiotic or something than having his foot amputated later on. 

    My grandmother died of severe complications that started out as more or less benign infections on her legs that became poisonous to her blood system. I wish back then we had dragged her to the hospital, rather than having her pass out one day and be carried away in an ambulance. By then it was already too late… 🙁

    But as far as the other stuff goes, hang in there! I think we're all gonna hafta learn to live on shoe string budgets for awhile, though I hope you are able to simply concentrate on the work you do and tune out the idiots you work with. 

    stay strong


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