When you come here onto the blogs page, or just the Tribe in general, usually you would expect to see a someone with, say, three mental illnesses, trauma and relationship issues. You get the point. People on here typically have actual problems. You see, I don’t.

Probably about 99% of the people on here, the reason is that in their heads either they’re not good enough for the world or something about the world isn’t good enough for them. I fall into the first category. I hate myself very much, and I have for… wow, two years now.

I don’t have actual problems though. Sometimes I want to believe I do, like one time I fully convinced myself I had depression, but then I realized it was really just my mind playing tricks on itself, acting like it had symptoms but it really didn’t.

I have so many people who truly love me and support me. They are always so kind to me. So I can’t blame me feeling this way on a lack of support. You know what I do blame it on? Two things actually. Mood swings and, well, me.

Mood swings. I’m a teenager. They are to be expected. Unfortunately when I look around at school it seems like I’m the only one who deals with them. It’s not unusual, and it’s not a small school. There should be more people who are sad or angry all the time. It’s not that they’re all happy people. Surely they’re not. They just find ways to suppress it. Why can’t I do that??

To answer that question, it’s because of me. Nothing else could cause it. No trauma, mental illness, relationship struggles, loneliness, nothing. I can’t pin it on anything but my own weakness.

In all honesty, I mostly regret joining the tribe. It has shown me how kind people are and how I don’t deserve them. Nothing ever helps. I’m 100% screwed, but that doesn’t stop people from trying. And I can never help anyone. So if you’re reading this and you’re one of the people who has talked with me before, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve failed you. And if I disappear… now you know why.

  1. Author
    thebluejay 1 year ago

    Idk why it categorized it the way it did. I left it uncategorized because i don’t fit into any categories. i don’t have ptsd or anything. that’s annoying.

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  2. beansprout 1 year ago

    I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I felt similarly when I joined the tribe. It can make you feel guilty for how bad you feel sometimes after seeing how many people have very significant traumas they deal. I’m glad you have loving people around you. Not saying you feel this way, but for me, I often feel like because I struggle with things that most people around me don’t, i feel like a big let down for them. That makes the guilt of just being myself worse. I think you just being on here looking for people to share with is a step in the right direction though. Definitely isn’t weak. It’s brave. As I’ve gotten older, one thing I’ve realized is how many people hide the fact that they struggle with something. Trauma, mental illness, depression, or just with themselves. I hope this message finds you well and you receive all you need from this site.

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  3. brettlea94 1 year ago

    As we grow and get older we make developmental transitions. We have more and more responsibilities. Maybe some practical advice is to make some lifestyle changes. We are always able to change or improve ourselves. Maybe find ways to be more mindful and know your not alone when it comes to mood swings. Everyone’s mood can be impacted by life circumstances big and small. Everyone deserves love, respect, and peace. But you deserve your own love and respect first. :). Have a good day.

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  4. hopeispresent 1 year ago

    Hey. I get where you’re coming from. You can’t downplay your mental health. You have to take care of yourself. No mental health problem is to small. I’m always here for you and you can always hmu.

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