Up and down, constantly moving, never stopping, but always rolling, tossing, running, falling. Human wheels. I\'m either rolling up or down; sideways and God knows any other ways that are impossible, but are suddenly made possible.
This morning I rolled down. I was scared, but I refused to let myself fall into the same old pattern of believing that just because today feels like the regular bad day, then it must be that. I have the control. I pressed on; I rolled up,with God at my back, sides, and front, and today was a good day. I made it so far.
My family and I went Christmas shopping and there was only one time–about an hour–where I had an episode, rolling down. But by the grace of God I recovered.
Here I am. Evening and I\'m nervous. I feel anxiety and panic lurking around in the dark corners of my mind and I\'m scared that they\'ll make a comeback. I want to stay semi-feeling good. No, I don\'t feel like myself. But I\'ll take what little bit I can get. Compared to thinking that I may have gone to Hell, feeling good, but not quite right is good for me.
So have I mastered sleeping in my room? Not yet. But I believe that God is preparing me and I will get there. Soon.
The beginning of anything is always the hardest. Climbing up the hill is harder than going back down. I think I\'ve made it to the top of the hill and now all I have left is to travel back down. The tricky part is not tripping and falling flat on my face in the process. I expect to stumble across a few rocks and holes, but I believe that God will guide me down. I may have a few scrapes and bruises in the end, but I\'ll still be alive. No matter how difficult these trials may be, my faith rests in Christ Jesus, and in Him I will always come out alive and stronger than before.