Why can't we just remove our hearts when we don't want them to hurt anymore. Hey do you think that the wizard would take my heart away I don't need it any more.

Well the mood thingy says that I am "spongy" (bonus points to anyone who knows what that word is from). But for you that are literally challenged let me define it for you. I am absolutely, positively, certifiably, undeniably, shit-faced drunk. I think that I'll become an alcoholic, I've never been one of those before, it seems like so much fun.

 Yes I should be working right now. oh yes there is so much to do. But alas I think I shall blow it all off right now. besides it is to hard to write while tag teaming glasses of wine with vodka shots, my hands are just absolutely to full to the brim already. you know I absolutely hate my hands, they are short and fat, and hell half of the time they don't even work right. I wonder if I can trade them in on a new pair. something in a ring model would be nice, or maybe a really well trained lesbian, yes that would definatly have it's advantages. 

 There is so much to do right now. Most days I feel like I am drowning under a sea of work. I don't know what I am doing. I am not qualified to do this.  I just want to go up to my booth where I feel safe and comfortable, where I know where everything is. I can't stay and I am afraid to go. But I have already left what other choice do I have really. Sure I could stay here where I am not needed or really wanted anymore, and give up a guaranteed full year of paying work (very good paying work I might add). Or I could just cut my losses and go.. Why is doing this so hard for me to do? I just don't get it.

OK well that's getting way to serious and I am way to "spongy" for serious. I do not want to be serious any more. To be perfectly  honest with you I am absolutely, positively, certifiably, undeniably, wore out with giving a fuck, so from now it doesn't get any deeper than the kiddie pool for me folks. Or the the bottom of my vodka bottle, which is now empty, and that's very, very, very, serious. Because I am just not "spongy" enough yet.   

I need a smoke….