Well I haven't been here in forever and now I sooo need to be.  I had some BIG disappointments in the last year that I can't seem to recover from.  I now feel as if I am on a hopeless downward spiral.  I only leave my bed when I absolutly have to.  I sleep 14 to 16 hours a day and am on the computer when I'm up.  I don't do anything I once enjoyed anymore.  If it involves effort I can't be bothered!  I am a little better on the weekends w/ my husband around.  I leave the house w/ him and it's ok then.  During the week if one of my 2 pt jobs call I'll work and if my daughter needs me I'll move otherwise I'm tring to sleep.  I would rather dream of what could have been than is.  I'm not suicidal but I see little to no hope that things can ever be happy or good again.  I have only proved by tring that I am a complete failure again.  The OCD is coming back stronger and stonger each day.  I need to clean but I try to do only small parts as I see the signs of loosing myself.  Right now my nephew is staying w/ us and it's good and bad.  I would be cleaning and the house would look better if I was alone but I probably couldn't stop if I started.  I am so pathetic to be so lazy  and avoid cleaning just cause I'm unsure.  I wish I could make things "normal".  I start w/ a new therapist Wednesday, not sure if I should even bother it's only going to help for 6 weeks.  I have no insurance so I can have 6 free sessions, nice but what's the point?  Mabye I'll just take another nap…

1 Comment
  1. Tee 11 years ago

    Please don't give up hope. There is always hope. There has to be.

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