Well I haven't been here in forever and now I sooo need to be. I had some BIG disappointments in the last year that I can't seem to recover from. I now feel as if I am on a hopeless downward spiral. I only leave my bed when I absolutly have to. I sleep 14 to 16 hours a day and am on the computer when I'm up. I don't do anything I once enjoyed anymore. If it involves effort I can't be bothered! I am a little better on the weekends w/ my husband around. I leave the house w/ him and it's ok then. During the week if one of my 2 pt jobs call I'll work and if my daughter needs me I'll move otherwise I'm tring to sleep. I would rather dream of what could have been than is. I'm not suicidal but I see little to no hope that things can ever be happy or good again. I have only proved by tring that I am a complete failure again. The OCD is coming back stronger and stonger each day. I need to clean but I try to do only small parts as I see the signs of loosing myself. Right now my nephew is staying w/ us and it's good and bad. I would be cleaning and the house would look better if I was alone but I probably couldn't stop if I started. I am so pathetic to be so lazy and avoid cleaning just cause I'm unsure. I wish I could make things "normal". I start w/ a new therapist Wednesday, not sure if I should even bother it's only going to help for 6 weeks. I have no insurance so I can have 6 free sessions, nice but what's the point? Mabye I'll just take another nap…
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