I remember something Carlin said, "… what they don't want is anyone capable of critical thinking!…"

I've been clean off the psyche meds now for about 2-3 years, and it's been very hard and long and much anxiety and soul-searching was involved. It was just the best decision for me, and I am the one responsible for the outcome… haha I have my low moments for sure, lots of them. What I want to tell you guys is that IT IS NOT YOU! Sure, you have mis-steps, even failures if you will, TOTAL MELTDOWNS! haha The point being that if you were dumbed down stupid insensitive uncaring like a zombie, you would not even be trying. Seriously! It is still kind of a choice. You must decide how much or if or other specific therapies and practice you commit to engage in to keep you steady and sane.

Thing is, everything down here is a real bitch for most of us, and has been for ever so long, they just didn't tell us how long, or the whole truth by a long shot. There's been legitimate entire civilisations now long gone, removed, extinct. How we fit in or how we got here is in question now, but clearly the "masters" seek to maintain, in fact, heighten their controls. I'm not talking about good doctors who really have our best interests at heart. I'm talking about Zombie Doctors who only care about money, time spent, scripts written and reports filled out. They don't care about us. You must discern and decide how much "control" you intend to give over. That's what it boils down to. Basically.

Sure, if you're tearing up the walls and acting out majorly, someone's gonna wanna help you! lol But if you're just the average person, trying to earn a little coin, build a nice lifestyle, enjoy a few special things once in a while, you're most likely gonna get hung up. It's not meant for you to be healthy, for one thing, not meant for you to be especially intelligent or smart either. If you rise up, become "divergent" if you will, you may succeed anyway and depending on your best abilities you may or may not end up happy helping others and living your bliss!

Emotion is a big factor. It can take on such momentum if you let it. Surely some grief cannot be denied, and depending upon your loss, how long it will take for you to rally. Best thing I've learned over the past ten years is that you Can control your emotion, and I don't mean stifle it either. What I mean is to accept it, rather than take on the whole burden as if it was your fault. It wasn't.

This is a strange playing field we find ourselves on. I learned quick that people will steal from you, laugh at you, make fun of you, even hate you, when all the while all you wanted was to get along and be accepted. They won't. Because you are Gifted. You are not flawed. And people don't like to be challenged. I'm serious! Oh, you'll find the occasional guy that really does enjoy a good challenge from time to time, but from what I've seen, people are more like children when faced with difficult things. They don't like change, and they don't do well when called out either.

So people like us choose our battles carefully. Some people aren't worth the effort honestly. I'm not even sure anymore if half the population is even really human. We've lost a lot of courage and alot of our heart, that brilliant magnetic spark of curiosity and divine love that was the best part of us from the very beginning. That very emotion that gets us into so much trouble could well be the wonderful thing that does indeed save us.

I'm so old now, it's just terribly weird. I still feel young, but I avoid the mirrors now. My mother, even my grandmother seems to be looking back at me! But good news is, I've learned a ton of stuff along the way. I've seen a lot too, a lot I didn't even want to see. But once you step back from it, and you should, you can take a breath and get a different perspective, on most anything. After the Supreme Court decision for gay folks, and after all the hullaballoo over the Confederate Flag, while all that had the attention of most people, what the lawmakers and governors were really doing was pushing through legislation that further empowers those in charge and further disempowers all of us. It's not enough that we're all sick, depressed and not able to work anymore to earn a decent living. The scope of the overall grand plan seems to include us all.

So if you had a hard year last year, join the club. If you were 25 and had the worst year ever, well I was 60 and that year topped them all. I never in a million years dreamed that I would have so much struggle at this age. Being clean and clear makes all the little aches and pains even more bothersome, and the big ones, well, we just bite down and bear it. No narcotics for this bird. I'd rather be straight than stupid.

Word. Eat organic as much as possible. Do drink clean water with lemon drops from a real lemon is awesome. Become friends with garlic and ginger. Use them in your cooking and teas. Brush your teeth like it's 1999 and you have a date, and always take time every single day, no matter what, to get out in nature, walk your dog, sit under a tree, take some nice photos.

The best part of the depression tribe is loving you guys. And I really do. I feel like I've known you all for a very long time. Forgive me for being slack of late, Was recently told that I should practice my writing more, and so maybe I'll come by more often and spend a little time. I have missed it.

Hey sweet Summer if you see this! Hope you are okay honey. I think of you all the time.

Hope this finds you all doing okay and please, take time out to have a nice evening!

Ello