Maybe I’ll just try to write a little blog even though I am bored and a bit unmotivated/uninspired. But the same way I felt several days ago I tried to start writting a new blog here, so I am gonna break the ice by asking from myself to write something smaller..

The subjects I had recently in my mind are:

• Laziness
• Real life ethics/popular beliefs
• Blaming/not understanding

..and they are all connected somehow. Though because of my little inspiration I will write few things..

Doesn’t it make you sad when people tell you that your life sucks and that you are not trying enough to improve/change? I was struggling because of this blame for a long.

The story goes like this: Someone has gone through his life and learned that in order to move on someone has to try. And so, after he had gone through a lot of things he comes to me and likes to preach about how should I try in life because he was through the same condition as me. And everyone was into this, he does say. But they tried and went through changes. And so, some of my attitude, fears, anxiety, etc. is considered as my laziness that doesn’t let me change. But how could I ever know if the struggle of each human in life is as hard as mine?!

Till I found out about my OCD. And there are still a lot to find about. And now I can tell to that person that maybe it’s not as easy for me as for him. The response? I don’t have the thing I say and this is just an excuse to not try harder.

This is what makes me mad!

I came into the conclusion that laziness doesn’t exist. In the same way that egoism doesn’t exist too after some lonely philosophical thoughts I had (that’s for yet another blog ;).

If someone seems to be lazy in life, then maybe he is going through something that blocks him from moving on and it’s really hard, you have to live it to understand. I think there is another problem people can’t see..

Though I wondered. If they can’t live, can they at least imagine it? Can’t they just accept that someone has such a kind of problem they can never understand? When have not gone through specific human problems, they ask and wonder: “The sollution is simple. If I was in his position I would do this and that. And I would act soon! Why is he still there thinking about it?”.

Don’t think like this people! Some people are stuck into situations where to act would be easy for you, but not for us! Just imagine or I’d say accept that this can be happening too.

I came into the conclusion that people actually don’t want to understand. It all doesn’t blend well with their beliefs.

There exist some quite popular/common beliefs in society. They are those ones that you happen to hear everyday and you can predict what you are about to hear before a discussion starts. And these ideas are so simple, neat and right sounding that they are easilly absorbed by most people and spreaded around again. A name for these things are memes and I am quite interested into the way that happens. It’s annoying that some ideas are so easilly transferable and survive even if I find them blatant and harming for few individuals. The most annoying for me are those who try to define how a good life should be and what is normal.

Someone would easilly nod his head in agreement if I told him that:

• Loneliness is not good
• It’s not good to be focused
• Someone shouldn’t be asocial
• Someone must have several hobbies
• It’s not natural to be over 18 and not have any girlfriend.
• It’s not good to be geeky
• Life is there to enjoy it and not think about it
• You should be just like the rest

..etc

But:

• There are people who need to live in solitude for a while
• There are also people who suffer while being among social situations
• And that social anxiety actually makes some of us more ackward in situations where are needed to find a girlfriend
• And we have to live with that shame (I still have to struggle with that idea but I’ve learned to simply not care because it’s stupid to care and get worse!)
• And there are people who like to be focused and achieve in a specific section
• And they are searching for something more interesting than just doing what the rest of the world does in order so that they don’t feel like aliens 😛
• Some people just don’t get it. And even the other people who might want sometimes to be “normal”, it’s such a bit struggle for them and it’s not as easy as you think. Why should everyone be just like you?
• And we cannot stop thinking about it!

Other popular beliefs in life, that sometimes sounds good but imho these don’t apply the same way with suffering people with anxiety disorders, are those who say that: someone needs to give his best try in life (as we haven’t tried :P), life is a struggle (the same for everyone? I doubt..), disorders and psychology are excuses that people find to not try (Duh!), in a nutshell they say that there is one single truth for everyone and one single way of achieving in life!

NO!

Some of these things sound good and right to some people. When someone is an ugly geek, doesn’t have any girlfriend, hasn’t moved on in life, keeps being associal and sticking in his hobbies, they say that this guy has gone the wrong way. And it does sound true. And when they discuss that with him, he either doesn’t have much idea why he is like this and they tell him some pseudo-wise things about life, or he tries to explain them that some invisible force (called OCD, SAD, autism, depression, insert here your own) makes his life a mess and doesn’t let him move on. And they tell him then that he doesn’t try!!! As if they can ever know his struggle and how hard it is to go on!

I say NO!

We have gone through a lot more struggle than those people that blame us. It’s quite more times more hard for us than the people who blame us and don’t understand. They just don’t want to change their beliefs about how to achieve in life, what is a good life and what is normal. And telling them that there are some kind of people where these beliefs doesn’t work exactly the same way as with most people and need a different kind of understanding is something that they don’t like!

It was a big struggle to have to bother with such people and such beliefs. Before knowing about my OCD, they made me think that I was the one to blame for. There is no harder feelings than having to bare with your OCD and then having to blame yourself about everything. It totally killed my self-esteem. And without self-esteem how the fuck would I achieve in life? Did their blamings kept me further back in life, regardless if they claimed that they want to help? YES!

And I know now..

Extract from an article in my blog at blogspot:

I figured out that there are two primary kinds of struggle for deviants. The physical pain that may come out of their possible “disorder” and the social pain that they have to endure because of the constant criticism and unacceptance from society. And sometimes the second one is quite more painful for the individual..

If you differ, there is a good reason for that. Try to find that in yourself and actually like yourself. It took me more than 10 years and I still struggle at times. But now I know..