For as long as I can remember its been me, myself, and I. I grew up with an addict and abuser for a father and a mentally ill mother. By all accounts, i was doomed before I was even born. I never got love, unconditional love. I have been manupilated and mentally abusedby my mother for as long as I can remember. I learned at a young age that if I didnt do what people wanted me to do, I was a bad person and didnt deserve their love. I can say that no one has ever been there for me without expecting me to do more for them in return. No one ever said to me that they loved me and genuinely meant it. I have always been almost good enough, but not quite. I give all I have to those I think care for me and end up broke, hurt, and all my negative self thoughts reinforced. When I dont do what others want of me, I am treated as the worst piece of shit on earth. Right now, I'm feeling pretty low cuz I have no one in my life that truely cares for me unless I give them whatever they want. I have become a violent, resentful, fearful person. I only leave my house to go to work and do what I need to do. i dont talk to anyone. I dont trust anyone. I dont eat. I dont take my medicine. All I want to do is sleep, cuz when i'm asleep no one can hurt me. No one can use me. I'm getting worse, but I can see the things that I need to change. but whats the point if im never going to be good enough or loved for who i am? I'm tired of being alone, feeling alone. I just want to be loved but who will love me if i dont love myself? Fuck…who cares….
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That Spirit's Rushing In My Veins
Raindropdreamer, , Anxiety, Career, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 0
Edit That Spirits Rushing In My Veins. by Sara Lynn Thode on Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 7:11pm ·...
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Hello!
Everett76, , Anxiety, LGBT, Uncategorized, Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Therapist, Weight Loss, 0
Hello! I just joined this site a bit earlier today, and thought I’d give a brief introduction. I’m a...
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No One to Talk To
tari, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Depression, 2
The ending of a trying weekend and trying "weak" is my state of mind. Several moments over the course...
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Molting
OrangeTree, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, Grief, PTSD, Questions, Relationships, Stress, Therapist, Therapy, Weight Loss, 3
Almost a month into the new year and few things are changing. I’ve been thinking about myself a lot...
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Introduction
chriss1029, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Grief, Relationships, 1
Well, I'm fairly new here, and I guess I haven't formally introduced myself, and Ive got nothing else to...
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It's Been a While
onedayatatime, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Medication, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, 0
I can't believe I haven't written here since January. The time between my last post and nowhas been both...
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My story
Rwilson123, , Anxiety, OCD, Anxiety, Child, Depression, OCD, Religion, Sex Therapy, Social Anxiety, 0
Good morning everyone. Here is my story. I hope it helps others. I battle it every day. Some days...
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My whole world is crumbling around me
SH2004, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Teens, Uncategorized, Anxiety, Career, Eating Disorder, Stress, 1
I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me and there is nothing I can do to make...
Just know that you are not alone in feeling this way. You can message me anytime if you need someone to talk to. There are good people out there that care.