Wednesday 29th October..

Me Free Falling…..

Its a strange feeling feeling all alone when you have people around you.

Its strange because I’ve always looked after other people and no matter who needs me I’ve been there without resivation or judgment. Yet I have no one here for me. I have influenced other people’s lives and I have had so many late night talks reassuring others that in the morning it wont feel as bad.. yet here I am free falling with no-one to catch me.. Where is my saftey net.

Who am I supposed to turn to in my hour of need. I have been so many peoples rock to lean on they’ve not noticed that i am crumbling away and i cant find the strength to stop it.

Its as if every time i helped someone i’ve given them a little piece of me and my problems have been ignored now there so heavy that i stugle to fix them.

I am 24 and My life has been lived but not without regret or sorrow. All that is left of me is a shell of my former self. It certainl;y feels that way.. unless someone catches me soon I am not sure of what will happen will I implode with the anger I have stored inside me or will I just fade into nothing without the ones around me ever noticing.

I have sold my soul to help others maybe thats why I am empty, maybe i sold myself short. I am not religious in a sence but I do belive in judgment at death and rebirth. I belive one must live in harmony with life. I belive that we should not take our own lives even though once I did attempt suicide. I realised once i had woken up that it was not my life to take. someone else will decide that.. maybe fate I am not sure but after I had woken up it was like seeing the world in a different light. I should have died but I have not done in life what it is I am supposed to do…..

That is the only thing thats keeping me breathing. I cant say living becasue I am not…