Today has been hard.
The lowest of lows, it has been a dark sad lonely day for me, even though I am surrounded by love, I am alone. I feel so empty and lost. Yesterday was a good day for the most part, my mood started taking a nose dive last night, I haven’t done anything today but cry, but I decided to make myself blog. Maybe this will help me. Maybe it won’t who knows. I am kind of thinking maybe I should not have stopped taking my meds. Why did I have to be born with a broken brain? SO many of us, living with this with very few of us having someone that actually understands. Its so hard..right?Honestly, I don’t want anyone that I love to understand this or go through this, I am just really tired of carrying this by myself.
For me…Therapy is scary and HARD. The times I have gone, I have left a complete mess and was a wreck for weeks after. IDK, I don’t really feel like digging up horrors and traumas from our past is the best way to start the healing process. I have started to write a book, countless times, because I am that person that is forever going through things that people say…if I didn’t actually know you or been there with you, i would have never believed it…I have been through some bull&%*$ let me tell you. One thing every Therapist has told me is, I have a wall..that needs to be broken down or else I am never going to be able to start the healing process. I honestly am starting to believe this to be true because overtime I have started to write my book..I stop at the same time in my life and never continue…I feel like I’m in one of those escape rooms, in the dark but the walls are all very close together and the ceiling is very low…I am suffocating as I am running around..trying to escape.