So I'm still having recurring nightmares as of late. Some are worse then others. They're either really horrifying, really lonely, or just really really sad. Last night I had this nightmare that I've been having a lot lately and it seems really symbolic. I woke feeling very alone and abandoned afterwards, even though I knew it was just a nightmare. There always seems to be an ounce or truth or realism to our worst nightmares and our best dreams. Anyway, here's how it went:
I was on a trip in a foreign country with a large group of classmates and everyone was having a great time except for me. For some reason, every time I tried to walk, I would get dizzy or lose strength in my legs and fall over. I was getting frustrated because I could not take one step without wobbling and falling to the ground. I was reaching out for help or someone to hold onto, but everyone was just glaring at me and told me to stop. But I couldn't stop; I wasn't doing it on purpose. Everyone was leaving to get on a plane and go back home and I wasn't able to stand up and follow them- my legs continued to fail me. An angel came to me after everyone left and said he was going to take my to a special hospital where there were others like me and he would teach my how to fly so that my sick legs would never trouble me again.
When we arrived there, I saw many people my age that looked as troubled as I did lying in great masses of pillows and cushions, unable to walk or stand without falling. The angel set my down in a soft pile of blankets, stood before everyone, and announced that he would empty our heavy hearts so that we could fly with him. He waved his hands over our heads and everyone floated into the air, light and unburdened- everyone but me. I put my arms out, expecting to rise up with everyone else, but I was rooted to my spot. I tried to stand, but my legs wobble underneath me and I fell on my face. I began to weep. The angel placed a hand on my shoulder and told me it was too late; my sorrow had cemented in my heart. With that, they all flew away from me and the place went dark. I crie and screamed to be saved, but no one came.
Is that not incredibly depressing? It's had me affected all day. even though I am surrounded by my friendly coworkers and kind patrons, I feel so alone. I feel as if there's something I'm missing out on that everyone else has, but I will never get it. I wish I could sleep just one night without dreaming. It would be the most restful sleep I've ever had.