Just a bit of complaining here – just to get it out of my system.

It seems everything’s gone wrong lately, and, of course, it all piles up and hits you at the same time… Here’s a few things I’ve had to face the past month…

My boyfriends younger brother died. Only 25 years old. Tragic! I did not know him very well, but the family’s been devestated… The boyfriend is starting to get a bit better – back to work after two weeks on sick-leave, but he’s still experiencing those momenst of grief and loss. For me it just feels awful not to be able to help in any way, seeing that kind of hurt in someone you love without being able to take it away is awful. You want to help, but there’s nothing you can do. 

And I got fired. I knew it was coming, but still it’s like a smack in the face to actually get the paperwork in the mail, knowing that even though I get better, I have nothing to go back to. I still have loads of stuff in the office, I havn’t had the curage to go back there to get it, I don’t want to meet any of my former colleagues.

Then I had some sugery done. Nothing major, but leaving a wound that needs tending to for about six weeks, check-ups at the hospital and not being able to move or use my left arm for anything. Imagine getting dressed without moving your left arm. Or doing the dishes. Or anything, really. You’d think I’d get some help to do some practical things, but I haven’t felt able to demand things from my boyfriend, as he’s had enough to cope with on his own. To make things even worse my stiches burst, so the wound re-opened, and the surgeon had been unlucky enough to cut some nerves, so every move was agony for about two weeks. 

On top of that, I got a letter from the tax office. They’ve decided that I need to pay back a bit of money. About £1.000 if I’m lucky, more if I’m not. As I am currenty on disability I don’t have that kind of money – the government barely pays me enough to cope with my bills, so there’s nothing left for anything else. I’ve sent a complaint, but if the tax office decides to maintain the claim, I don’t know how to manage… 

So, that’s the big things that’s cropped up over the last month. A few small things as well, like getting a cold, some rude comments about my looks (yes, I’ve gained weight, I KNOW) and behaviour, and suchlike. I feel fed up about everything, money worries, body image, worrying about how people percieve me – and this month it’s just been too much. 

On a happier note – I guess there’s nothing more the world can throw at me for the time being, unless i fall over on the ice and break something *knock on wood* 🙂 



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