When I look back at my life, I see a lot of challenges that I had to face as a child. Not knowing I even had these challenges and that it was serious made things worse as I grew older. From the moment I started preschool, I had anxiety…too much of it. I hardly spoke and was too shy to play with other kids. In elementary school, i spoke a little more but had developed what i believe was OCD. I remember constantly cleaning out my desk and reorganizing it, as well as double checking my "see through"backpack…yes, see through backpack lol
I knew I was doing it, but didn't understand why I was doing it or how to stop. I had so much anxiety that everything made me nervous and didn't handle situations well. In middle school, i got picked on and got stuff thrown at me and called ugly. My appearance was not the best because of depression and severe social phobia.When high school comes, is when i had my first real panic attack. Long story short, I had to seek counseling and be put on xanax. I still struggled with a bit of OCD, with things having to be a certain way otherwise my anxiety would be too high. College came a few years later where my panic attacks still came through just not as much. I got a job at UPS where I had been diagnosed with panic disorder and slight PTSD because of being picked on in school. While at UPS, i was getting picked on for something i was wearing and kind of spaced out for a few minutes..when I "came to", i had no idea what happened. I was sweaty and realized i was crying. She told me i had a minor flash back. I got some help for my anxiety and panic for a few months.
Now that i'm 22, I have been able to overcome a lot of anxiety and social phobia, panic disorder, and anxiety attacks. It hasn't been easy. I have been medication free for a year and a half. yay. When I realize how much I have gone through, it just amazes me that I have made it this far in life. I have a job, i'm doing martial arts, and have been more social by goin out with friends from judo. I have come such a long way after 20 years that I never want to look back. All the challenges (panic attacks, panic disorder, ocd, ptsd ) is not easy, but it's do-able.