I wish I could shut off my emotions. I am beginning to think if I could do that, I would be able to slug through life and therefore keep everyone in my family happy. I know I take too much too seriously but then again the people around me know this too. My mom knows better than anyone but leave it to her to poor gasoline on that fire. I know I am over weight, I know I dress in the same attire most of the time (t-shirts and jeans) and now I am aware that I have grey strands of hair. Yay me!! With my tendency to miss the small details I could have gone a while without knowing. I know you shouldn't focus on outward appearances but my hair was the ONLY feature I liked and took care of it the best I could.Oh well nothing good has lasted long for me so why start there?
I find it difficult to believe it has been a week since Harley's passing. I guess I have been avoiding blogging about him. I know I have been doing my best to not look at pictures. There is a photo album in my room I had taken to school that has pictures of the pets and family. I pondered opening it when I was in my room.I managed a glance at photos I have uploaded on here…it didn't take long for the pressure to build, that pressure that you feel right before the tears begin. Harley's sister, Lexie, has been very cingy. I shouldn't be surprised. Harley and she got along the most out of any two cats we have. Lexie and Harley were the only cats that liked sitting on our laps…Harleymeowed every time you stroked him and also would make noiseuntil you gave in and showed him some attention…I hate the fact this nostalgia is so…intense. I am struggling to keep my tears at bayand remain composed. I get the feeling of embarrassment when I cry in front of people.
Harley's mama, Paint, likes to sit next to me when I am on the couch. She's with me now. She was a stray before we adopted her and I think that is a reason she hates being picked up. It would be a miracle if someone was able to pick her up and not come away with several scratches. I am thankful for Harley and Lexie's desire for attention.
I will miss him so much. I am finding it bittersweet that Lexie is Harley's twin–in both appearance and age.

1 Comment
  1. Katica 8 years ago

     I wanted to send you some hugs,I really know how heartbreaking it is to lose a pet,they're members of the family,and life without them is so sad.

    I think you express yourself really well,you said everything I've been feeling,especially about nostalgia,old photos of happier times are so poignant.

    I don't like crying in front of people either,but at least it shows you have feelings,rather than being a cold callous person with no heart.I wish I could just shut off my emotions too,being sensitive makes life one big struggle.

    Take Care

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    0 kudos

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