This blog is mostly for myself so no need for you all to read it cuz I am sure it is gonna get long and winded…….

I thought about replying on Elisabeths blog and on Lisa's but I felt their Dad's needed their own. Those two blogs did get me to thinking of my Dad as well.

He has been gone now 20 years. I miss everything about him. His laugh, his big strong hands, his hairy arms, the way he smelled……all of it. At least now I can think of him and not feel the pain of losing him as intense as I once did.

My Dad was my hero. He had polio as a young child, both of my parents did and they both walked with crutches. My Dad had braces too. There was never a day that he complained. Never. He was so proud. He would never park in a handicapped spot cuz he said those were for people who really needed it. lol. He had emphyzema for years and was just so sick. He was always happy and every time I asked him how he was feeling, he said great. He had a hard time showing affection or even saying "I love you" but for some reason he did not need to because I always knew. I felt so safe and loved just sitting next to him.

He worked hard. He was a disc jockey for a station in Seattle. He rarely missed a day of work. When the weather was bad, others would not show up but not my Dad. He would work his own shift and fill in for others. When the elevator went out he crawled up the 12 flights of stairs to do his job. I never knew that until the day of his funeral when one of his co-workers told the story. He was just so amazing.

He was in the hospital because of the lung disease and was told he had about 3 years left. He was released and that night I made his favorite dinner. His 2 brothers and 2 sisters were in town and we had the best family dinner. The next day he had a massive heart attack and only live 24 hours. During that 24 hours I sat by his bed and prayed for him to wake up because I so wanted to tell him how much I loved him and idolized him. It never happened. I somehow hope he knew.

I am an only child and both of my parents are gone now. I miss them both every day. My Mom died mad at me but that is a whole other story. I have learned though that if you love someone, you have to tell them because you just never know when you may never get another chance.

This time of year is especially hard and at the same time wonderful because my Dad loved Christmas. He baked cookies and sang Christmas carols. He was my Santa. I go all out for Christmas no matter how shitty I feel because it just feels like my Dad is right beside me.

I miss you Dad.