Okay, first, let’s be honest. Will I write a lot? Probably not. I probably will forget about it, forget to write whatever is going on, but for now I will try. I will try to let it out. I will try to write it all down. Why? Because I feel like it’s all that will help right now. I feel alone, not heard, not seen. So I’m just going to try this. I’m pretty sure no one will read this tho, but why not… Let’s give it a shot, right?
To the person still reading this, let me introduce myself. Since you’re interested enough to still read this.
My name is Elaine, im 18 years old and I live in The Netherlands. I’m listening to this playlist on Spotify right now, it’s called ‘Piano in the background’, you should check it out. It’s chill to listen to while you’re writing about stuff that no one ever will read. Now I’ve already started talking about music, it’s one of the most important things in my life. Number one is my brother, he’s 15 years old and my best friend, my rock, my everything. I grew up with my mom, but without a mother figure. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but she wasn’t really….there, you know? So i kind of raised myself. I learned myself how to ride my bike, how to write my own name, how to braid my hair… Well, actually my dad taught me how to braid and he did braid my hair every now and then. But i taught myself how to braid my own hair, instead of wires.
Anyway, I feel like I’m already telling waaaaaaaay too much about myself and personal stuff.. Let’s talk about today. Today i should have went to school in the morning, but I overslept, woke up and felt like shit. Women problems… sigh. So I called in sick. Something I do a little too much, thanks social anxiety and panic attacks, really helpfull… So I got out of bed, took my meds and sat down on the couch. Chilled a little, drank some juice, just morning stuff. When my mom left for work I opened my laptop to start up Netflix, bad habit. Got sad, looked up chat sites and talk groups for social anxiety and depression and stuff. Then, after like 30 mins I found this site, looked around, started writing this… I have to clean my room a little tho, why am I always wasting my time.. Well, I promised myself to do 3 things today to help myself, so I guess i should be getting started..
Thanks for reading, if you’re still reading this. Leave a message, if that is possible or something. Really hoping this will help me through.