I wanted to share my story to help others understand my background with Anxiety. Maybe you can relate or have a similar story to share.
It started when I was 13. I was sitting on the couch in my home watching TV with my parents. I remember this sudden rush of absolute terror. I immediately began panicking that something was wrong… I didn’t know what but something was terribly wrong and I needed help. Not knowing anything about what was happening, my parents took me to the hospital. After a slew of testing and wires and sensors, they asked my parents they had ever heard of a panic attack.
They had but advised that I had never had one before and they weren’t sure where it came from or what, if anything, triggered it. After determining that it was a panic attack, I was sent home. No meds no nothing.
This ended up happening 2-3 times a day. A full blown panic attack where I would beg my mom to get me help. Please find someone to help me. Something is wrong. I would be absolutely exhausted. Physically too because you only have so much adrenaline and so much fight in you per day! After so many of these, she and my dad began to learn that this was just a panic attack and that this would pass. With them occurring more and more, we went to my family doctor to find out what to do.
Fast forward 3 doctors, 5 types of medication changed and 9 moves over the span of 16 years, here I am at 29 and finally seeing a little bit of normalcy.
I now have a team of 3 doctors who work in tandem with each other. My Family Dr., My Psychiatrist and my Internist. If it weren’t for my wonderful GP, I wouldn’t have been referred to the other 2. All 3 have changed my life.
I am on Pristiq daily and a tiny sublingual Ativan as needed.
The symptoms over the years have ranged vastly. I would get horrendous chest pains, feeling like I wasn’t getting enough air, total body numbness, sweaty palms, racing thoughts, fear that I was dying, inability to sit still. That’s just the tip of the ice burg. Once you have that snowball rolling, sometimes you just have to let it roll and wait it out.
In 2017, I had a panic attack so bad that my arms went weak and my speech slurred enough to have me take all my strength and call 911 at work having the Ambulance take me away. I later found out that I did end up needing some assistance because my heart rate went into SVT (Supra Ventricular Tachycardia). WAY too fast. So it wasn’t a total waste, but it was embarrassing at the time! And to think that a panic attack could be THAT bad where it mimics a stroke very well. Terrifying!
Up to date now to 2018, I find lately I am experiencing various levels of anxiety attacks. I am unsure if it is just a blip or if a trip to my psych is needed to fix up the med dosages.
With 16 years with this disorder, believe me when I say, I have had it all. Every test. Every symptom, every terrifying thought. I have been there. And yet here I am typing away after having recently had an attack today and thinking, maybe a new approach is needed in my recovery… maybe its time to share my story and seek and provide help from and to those who know it best…people like you.
Drop a comment, add me. I am here both as a helper and a sufferer.
Thank you for sharing this. After years of medical tests I was recently admitted to a psychiatric unit both inpatient and then outpatient. I was never given an official diagnosis. Anxiety, panic disorder, psychotic break were all terms that were thrown around. I did learn about my past and also uncovered how over thinking the way that I do is not the norm. I’ve started an uphill battle now with a CBT therapist and psychiatrist all while trying to get back to work and raise my 8 year old son alone. I am on Depakote and ativan as needed. I also listen to guided meditation mostly found on YouTube. Some of them have even helped me stop the panic attacks in their tracks. The most difficult aspect is that I cannot drive as most of my panic attacks occurred originally while I was driving. I believe it’s developed into a phobia. My anxiety starts out as confusion, disorientation, inability to think clearly and from there moves on to what i call the heart attack stage where I am convinced that I am dying. When an ambulance had to be called the EMS were so calm and relaxed and I was so upset because they were not taking my dying seriously. This is still new to me, that anxiety and panic is real. I keep pushing through, trying to laugh through the worry and irrational fears of the unknown. The picture you posted caught my eye because that’s how I’ve been trying to live -for the now. It’s so easy to get carried away with thoughts of the future but no matter how much I plan it will inevitably change anyway.
Thanks for your comment Jacqulyn. I can certainly understand where you are coming from. I am able to drive usually without issue. For me, I find I I am stuck in traffic or a drive-thru, somewhere I cannot “escape” easily, I get nervous.
Focus on the now and you’ll find naturally you’ll expand into days and weeks from minutes, and hours.
Hang in there. It gets better!