I am writing about a new poll I posted & am shocked so far at what I'm seeing. So far only 6 have taken the poll but all 6 not including myself have stated that they contracted this from someone who KNEW but did not disclose! Yet I continue to read newsletters where fellow pozzies are against criminalization?
I don't understand this what so ever! WHY if so many contract from non-disclosure would so many be FOR it vs against it.
I certainly understand that we all have our right to an opinion but I for one do not understand why we would not want this law to stay in place?
I know they say it will take away the stigma as well as keep others getting tested vs not getting tested since if they don't know they can't be prosecuted however i do not agree with this at all. if a person cares about their life & their health it does not take a law for them to get tested they just get it done.
I am in great fear that this virus will spread even more rampant than the 1 in 5 they claim are living with it now if this happens & they do not allow others to prosecute for non-disclosure!!
Being a person who also contracted this virus from someone who knew at the VERY LEAST he was exposed if not had already had an anonymous test done I can say that I do take my end of the responsibility however it still does not make it right. especially when in a relationship with another that you took time to build trust with having no idea what they were capable of passing on to me.
I was of course unable to press charges because there was no "positive" test on record by his name until AFTER me & anonymous tests of course don't count but for those who are on record with the CDC then by all means charges should be filed & the person be held accountable!
Mind you I had just had a negative test done 6 months after my last relationship before being exposed by this man so yes I know for sure he was the one who I contracted it from.
I also am at a loss for words when the CDC AND local Health Department know that his name has come across their desks at least 2 other times that I know of from women who have contracted after being in a relationship with him..one prior to me & one after me when he DID have a test on file by name. The woman AFTER me he got pregnant on purpose not disclosing his positive status..she found out she was poz during her prenatel blood work & somehow how already heard about me & had asked him long before this happened to her & he said I had a "false positive" test, she unfortunatetly believed him. he had the nerve to go with her to the very same clinic we both had gone to after being diagnosed when he never went back for treatment & the counselor there totally called him out right in front of her saying "why are you here to get another test done you already know your positive"!
This woman got ahold of my number to confirm & I had to tell her the truth while she was pregnant no less.
This saddens me to no end when I hear others so adament about lifting the laws on people like him!
The other question I still have over 3 years later is WHY can't the CDC or at the very least the local Health Department press charges against this man when they DO have evidence of him passing this to others? This is the ONLY law in my opinion that needs to change is that BOTH the CDC & local county Health Departments should have the right to step in & at least contact the people who are contracting from the same person to see if they wish to press charges or be involved in the case.
Unfortunately this women is STILL with this man knowing full well his entire story after the fact. Turns out he was with a poz stripper in a relationship who did disclose, he cloose to still have unprotected sex with her (shame on her as well ahe sould have known better stripper or not!) 8 years prior to our relationship. There was one other woman he dated prior to me that has contracted it that his g/f knows of for sure & of course myself not to mention she found a spiral notebook of his that contained at least 10 other names of women he has had unprotected sex with. SHE could of pressed charges & put in him jail alone but she chooses not to. Her choice as I guess she does not want their son who thankfully did not get the virus to grow up without a father…pffft what kind of father would intentionally try to have a baby knowing he is poz & not disclosing to the mother putting BOTH at risk?
Just my views & my thoughts feel free to comment if you wish.
Happy weekend Tribe members!
I understand your concerns. I was also exposed by someone whom I suspect knew. He was scared I would run away had he told me. We need to fight the stigma that is responsible for that and people not getting tested, not getting treated.
Being against criminalization doesn't mean being for irresponsible behaviors. It is against a blanket rule applied to all cases where a person exposes another without informing him or her is held responsible right away (and people who don't know are not responsible… everyone should know their status in my opinion DOT). Nowadays when someone is undetectable with drugs and/or with condom, the risk is limited, but not unexistent indeed. But each case should be reviewed on an individual basis. We should be able to talk frankly about HIV (and any other STI), not just hide it under the carpet or blame people. Criminalization will in no way contribute to that, on the contrary.
Great points everyone & I respect them all 🙂
First off I have long since let go of my situation. I did try to press charges but only after I received a call from his NEW woman who was inpregnated by him & carrying his child telling me she had tested positive & later found out that he already had a positive test. I had played the scenerio over in my mind so many times before not knowing which way to go with it. Agreed it would be putting myself at risk for all the world to know as well as involving my family & my 2 sons. When I got that call that day I thought of as a “sign”. So I tried but no luck since he had apparently tested anonymously prior to testing by name once he infected me.
This woman as far as I know is STILL with him…great for her, her choice but she does have the power to put him away. Because of her power she uses this against him & in turn there have been several “domestic violence” situations each time her dropping the charges. To me this is his “bad karma”. He will forever have to live with what he has done & I too will forever accept my responsibility for not having protected sex with him. We are human I was in love, in a happy relationship & well had asked him if he had been tested early on but was stupid & took his word.
Sorry as for the criminalization laws being lifted I have to disagree.
First off in my state of Florida we have laws that include ALL STD’s not just HIV/AIDS & obviously most are aware of these laws yet still do not choose to get tested OR to disclose so how can it possibly make people less likely than it already is? Take a look at how many states have these laws yet how many people continue to not disclose making this more rampent than ever.
Do we really think that IF the laws were lifted MORE people WOULD disclose or get tested? Does this make ANY sense to you? It is every individuals right to their opinion & I would never judge anyone for feeling differently than I do but we ALL have to look at the statistics..where are the statistics on the states that do not have criminalization..that’s what I want to see & to compare those states cases of infected people vs the states that do have the laws already in place..this should say everything I would think. Maybe yet another thing for me to research 🙂 If states without criminalization laws statistics show more people being tested, more cases of disclosure & less people being infected then by all means I’m all for it…however I just don’t see that being the case..maybe I’m wrong?
I understand it’s bad, we have to protect ourselves with anyone/everyone. I was told when I got diagnosed that if I disclosed to someone who has not shown me proof of being poz to get the disclosure in writing..how sad is that? In reality relationships end & not usually on a happy note poz or not. People get vandictive & use every way they can sometimes to hurt another. As much as I hated hearing them tell me this info I do agree that we all must protect overselves in every way possible. I’ve never been faced with this issue as I have never dated someone whom is not poz. problem solved for me anyway!
It’s amazing to me meeting others with HSV..these people feel exactly as WE DO…stigma & I do believe this STD has been around a lot longer than HIV nor has it ever caused deaths that I’m aware of. As far as I’m aware (more research lol) Florida is the only state that includes ALL STD’s so that being said apparently the lack of criminalization laws on non-disclosure of HSV has lifted that stigma so don’t see how it would with HIV. I’ve also been astounded at how those with HSV view their dating lives until I share what dating is like with HIV..man are they relieved as far as their situations..sad but true.
Bottom line I guess HIV, AIDS, HSV or any uncurable STD not to forget being gay, bi-sexual, transsexual, the color of our skin, nationality or just different than the norm will never be acceptable the way I see it. There is stigma in all of the above & more not JUST those of us with HIV/AIDS 🙁
I do hope one day all of these things people are being stigmatized for will end..however we have to accept the facts & choose our fights wisely. We can do everything we can to help stop the stigma but I personally don’t think it’s any more reasonable to believe this will ever happen in our lifetimes any more so than finding a cure for HIV or Cancer.
As for justifying the whole being “undetectable” & on meds being safe for unprotected sex amoung poz/poz couples just ask your Dr what he/she says about this..everytime they will tell you to use condoms to avoid contracting another strain no matter how low the risk. So more importantly HOW is this OK for poz/neg couples?
My choice is to only date other pozzies as I could never live with myself if I infected someone & thank God I know for a fact I did not since was dating the man when I feel ill upon contracting & had a negative test after my previous relationship 6 months out. I want it to remain this way. It may limit my dating world but that’s ok I can live with that vs the other. Again my personal choice & kudos to those who are not afraid of doing so…you’re braver than I am! I do wonder however where you find these neggies as anyone whom I’ve ever told this to, even the men who have known me for years run for the hills not to mention SOME friends lol!Â
Please keep in mind I’m expressing my views & am in no way trying to convince others to feel the same just stating the facts that I’m aware of & trying to learn how others feel. I enjoy learning new things & others views. Sharing & caring is what it’s all about 🙂
Thanks for everyone’s input this is why I blogged, inquiring minds want to know aka yours truly lol..happy weekend!
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I contracted this through sexual abuse when I was 9 years old. After the last few years when I was finally able to deal with the past through Counselling, I joined an Advocacy group to advocate on behalf of HIV funding.Â
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I was asked to go to Washington DC to speak to Law makers about the pending cuts for our community. I was able to be a voice for so many that don’t have one.
Almost Poz for 30+ years and going strong, Never give UP.
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Sunny