Below is a short non-exhaustive list of medications your doctor may have not prescribed for your OCD. Consult with your physician before trying any of these.


Alcohol

Discovered by ancient Egyptians when the pharaoh’s embalming fluid fermented.

Potential Benefits: feeling a lot sexier than you really are; thinking you’re rebellious and throwing off the shackles of your upbringing; able to sleep almost anywhere.

Potential Side Effects: thinking other people are a lot sexier than they really are; turning every game into an excuse to get naked (strip poker, strip mahjong, strip Wii bowling); unflattering pictures/video of aforementioned games on the internet.


Sex

Discovered by your mom.

Potential Benefits: can get you to sleep even faster than alcohol; having more sexual partners than your friends and therefore being more attractive than them; the fleeting feeling of validation you’ve been craving ever since your father walked out on your family.

Potential Side Effects: laundry that you absolutely can not take to the dry cleaners; having more sexual partners than your friends and therefore being “the slut” in your group; making awkward chitchat afterwards with someone you now have no interest in.


Illicit Drugs

Depending on your political beliefs, discovered by hippies or by the CIA.

Potential Benefits: you’ll have something in common with all the coolest celebrities; you can dance to absolutely any song (even if there isn’t any music playing!); massive weight loss.

Potential Side Effects: you’ll have something in common with all the washed-up loser celebrities who you now see on reality programs with really bad face-lifts; you won’t be able to say anything even remotely of interest to anyone sober; massive death.


Eating

Discovered by fat people.

Potential Benefits: the more you eat the more likely you’ll be able to wait out any disruption in the food supply; eating hard substances can make your teeth nice and sharp; food equals love.

Potential Side Effects: the more you eat the more likely you’ll accidentally knock things over with your enormous ass; eating hard substances can puncture your cheek and lead to a terrible infection; food equals no sex.


Note: The above substances have not been evaluated and/or approved by the FDA.  Handle with caution. 


 

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