Hi everybody…I hope you're all doing well, I havn't been on here or even facebook in several weeks-work has been draining me.

Anyways, I'm in a rut right now and I was wondering if any of you could help me to get out of it the way you all always have…so here it goes

I'm leaving for Maine in only a few days for my family vacation, the way I normally do every summer around this time.  I always have the most amazing time every year, but this year things are different…my boyfriend and his family are coming!  This is very exciting for me, and I'm very happy about it, but I'm just as terrified at the same time…ever since 3 months ago when my boyfriend told me that he was coming with his family, I've had these strong, mixed feelings.  I'm horrified, because I can't help but thinking," What if he isn't with me much longer after this vacation? What if next summer, we won't be together?"  My family has been going there EVERY SUMMER, for the past 5 years, so we will DEFINATLY GO BACK next summer…I won't be able to go ever again without him after this vacation!  I can only imagine the pain of being there in a place with wonderful, happy memories about him- the thought of that makes me want to shrivel up and die.  I'm going to be thinking of this THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE VACATION, and I don't know what to do…I don't know if I SHOULD let myself be happy and enjoy every moment, because I'm afraid to make happy memories….but then if I DON'T enjoy it and I'm MISERABLE the whole time, it'll make my boyfriend and my family really pissed at me, seeing as how we've all been looking forward to this ALL YEAR.  My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now, and I know that we love eachother very much, but I feel like with my track record of heartbreaks and bad luck, I will, without a doubt, loose him eventually, and this makes this vacation THAT much scarier….what would you do?