My day has just been horrible. I am emotionally drained at the moment. I had to go to an orientation thing for my first job ever this morning, I went to bed nervous and woke up nervous, but I got up and got ready. This was a big step for me because in the past I would have just stayed in bed and my parents would have to almost drag me out. After I got ready my mom asked me how I was doing, everything just caught up to me and I started to cry. At that moment my mom got an angry look on her face and yelled at me saying I had to go and then stormed off, this mad me feel worse because I knew that I was letting her down like I always do. I locked myself in the bathroom, my dad came in and tried to calm me down, I could hear my mom yelling downstairs. After my dad left he took my mom for a walk to calm down and I called my sister. After all of that I was so emotional that I called my work and told them I was not feeling well. My parents went out and I went back to bed hurt, angry, sad, and scared. My parents woke me up and my mom wanted to talk, she said she wouldn't yell (That never lasts long) Like I predicted we ended up arguing and yelling. I walked away because I couldn't take it anymore, my mom just laughed at me and said"There you go again being the victim." I went into my room and found this group online. I have tried so many things to try and help my anxiety but now I am just lost and almost numb. I have been feeling this way for as long as I can remember. My mom went through anxiety too so that is one reason why we get angry at each other when I have a set back. I love my mom and dad but sometimes I feel that I just can't live with them and I don't know what to do, today my mom basically said she was done, i'm not really sure what that means but I almost just don't care. I know this will get better but I just don't know when, I hope soon. I am happy I found this place so I can let it all out and people will understand what I am going through.

1 Comment
  1. Jack21 10 years ago

    I\'ve been in similar situations more times than I count. I think that for the most part parents feel a number of emotions at once when it comes to a child with serious anxiety issues. Frustration seems to always be the most obvious. There is very seldom an ability on the part of a parent for empathy as those who have not experienced anxiety simply cannot begin to understand what it is and how utterly debilitating it can become. You mentioned that your mother has had her own issues with anxiety. There is always the possibility that her frustration/anger/exasperation towards you stems from a sense of guilt on her part or from a very real sadness in seeing elements of herself which she does not like in you. It sounds to me that your parents certainly do love you. Remember that the opposite of love is not hate, its apathy. If your parents didn\'t care, they wouldn\'t even be arguing with you or waking you up in the first place. Baby steps. I am really nobody to offer advice as I have really advanced so little in the past 7 years, but I have learned that baby steps can lead to small victories, small advances. I can almost assure you that your mother is not \”done\” in any, way, shape or form. They want to see you get better. It is painful for them to see you hurt. I remember the first time my sister saw after I came home from Iraq. I was having a bad anxiety attack and she just could not understand how or why I wasn\'t responding to her attempts to console me. My whole life before the anxiety my sister had always been able to brighten my day or make me feel better about something. I explained to her afterwards that it simply doesn\'t work that way with panic. She still doesn\'t understand – nor do any of my family. They try, but they cannot empathize b/c panic/anxiety is simply impossible to understand for those who have not been through it. I hope that I have been able to lend some perspective and offer some help. Hang in there. There is a community here to help.

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