Well that wasn't so bad. I almost didn't go to group today. But I made myself, because I knew if I didn't I wouldn't be able to eat or sleep because my stomach would continue to hurt.
Uh what else. Work is going to suck. I only got about two hours of sleep. The more I tried to sleep the more anxious I got. So I just played Bejewled Blitz on Facebook.
I guess I feel a little funny. But in a good way. And I notcied a few changes in group… And I wanted to act up because I think I knew what she was doing. And I didn't want to look at her, to read her intentions. Which I had said something to Cirena about not waiting to go today because I thought she was going to act diffrent. And Cirena said that was just setting myself up for failure. Because no matter what she did I was going to think it was because she was tring to trick me. So I thought about it for a few and decided I would try really hard not to notice if she did or did not act diffrently. But she did a little bit… But it's ok. She's just tring to help me. Right and not hurt me?
Plus Clyde was not there. Thank God. He's so annoying. And I try to just accept that is who he is. But he helps to make feel flusterated. And because of this I want to act up. Because I find myself mimicing him. And I don't want to. It doesn't "feel" right.
And for the most part my ocd thoughts have chilled out quite a bit. My rituals too. But I feel dizzy, and it makes me stomach hurt. And when I try to eat something it just makes it worse.
Xray:
Your life sounds like mine. We deal with people we really do not want to. You with the people who never tell the truth in group and all the others that are annoying. Me with everyone in the neighborhood and my landlords 47 year old son who has to blast music ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!! But if you call them out on it you would be called a tattletale. I hate when people call others out on someone but when that person tries to get revenge it never works.
You are really lucky you work at a radio station. Ok yes, the people you work for are not too understanding, but you at least can hide many symptoms when you are on the radio. It seems your OCD is like a nervous OCD (that is probably what they all are). If you ever look at my blogs you will see there is one of all my compulsions it is sort of long and scary that I can remember them all.
Don't be a stranger write back when you have time.
Marc