Well, I think I can officially say that I am more alone now than I have been ever.

I was at my therapist appointment yesterday and all I could talk about was my brother, Matt and how he's suicidal, taking excessive amounts of Ambien, Clonopin, and Vodka while also telling my family that he wants to kill himself. He told my mother this past Tuesday night that he's been suffering for 15 years and nothing helps, no one can help him, and then he begged my mother for the entire bottle of Ambien. Then he asked my parents if he can go to a hotel room by himself. When we all said no, he asked if he could go camping by himself…to that my parents said "Yes." I guess going camping alone is less obvious than going to a hotel room alone after weeks of being extremley suicidal. So I told my therapist all of this and he said that we should call the police immediatly…and so he called them on speaker and had me validate everything he was saying.

The police went to my house, my brother looked at me as if I had betrayed him in the worst way possible. Then hours go by and the cops are waiting wih my dad and brother until the crisis counselors arrived. Then my mom gets home from work and starts yelling at the cops and she told the cops, the crisis councelors, and my brother psychiatrist that I was over reacting and that I made most of this shit up and that Matt was NOT SUICIDAL. My father just stood there and went along with everything she said. It was seriously the biggest F*** You I've ever gotten and I recieved it from my own family…just trying to save my brother's life.

Now no one is talking to me and frankly, I don't want to talk to any of them, but I feel so alone, so thrown away, and as though I've been dissowned.

My mother has used me as her rock and crutch over the past several years since her seperation from my father and I've been the other parent calling doctors, hospitals, and offering support and advice to her and my brother. She cries to me saying she doesn't know what to do and she's so scared she's going to find my brother dead and she can't take care of him, blah, blah, and then I try taking action and she pulls this. She made the whole thing about me. She made the whole Crisis Team believe that my brother was fine and that I was a lier. I'm not sure if she really is a Munhausen Mother or what but I can't express how lonley, furious, and betrayed I feel right now.

What do I do? I wish I could move to the west coast…somwhere totally new and start over. New name, new everything. I want to just leave this identity behind.

Do you guys think that I was wrong in allowing my therapist to call the police? I need validation, I guess.

Oh, I also forgot to mention that the Police Detective believed me whole heartedly and said that if he really beileved my mother, he wouldn't have had the crisis team come to my house.

2 Comments
  1. Jessealuvseashells 7 years ago

    Thanks Roger, that all means a lot. 

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  2. Jessealuvseashells 7 years ago

    Thanks everyone. I'm glad you all understand and believe me. I still struggle with guilt sometimes and start crying, but then I remember the things you've all told me. 

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