i managed, earlier this week, to get in contact with one of the support groups my counselor’d suggested.  i have to say it’s not what i expected, really, but i hope it’s a step in the right direction.  This particular group is for individuals who have family members who are addicts or who’ve lost family members to addiction.  i know i have some rethinking to do, regarding my own stance on how i feel about the subject.  It’s still hard for me to mentally process, since i’ve never–personally–been addicted.  Definitely going to be a learning experience, as long as i stay with it.  *sigh  Of course, Tuesday evening was just a hint of this, and i was a bit emotional–more so than i ever feel comfortable being in any sort of public setting.  i have to just learn to accept the fact that i can’t always control my tears/emotions.  There is such a load of feelings i’ve accumulated over time, i just have to figure out where to start.  –Since this is my case, i know it helps that my counselor makes suggestions and we set goals to work on, every time we meet.  i know it’s still a series of baby steps, but at least i’m moving forward and not staying stagnant or floating back, yet again.        

However, i can’t help but feel a huge load of stress and worry, since the lease runs out in mid-June.  i’ve been trying to look into possibilities in nearby areas, but for the most part, they tend to make you pay for information, even when you’re on a limited income.  This is to simply find what might be available–not even getting on any sort of wait list.  So, of course, it’s frustrating and nerve-racking.  *sigh  Gotta keep trying, though, right?  Well, my brain’s exhausted–if that makes sense.  Feels like so many things in there are jumbled together and making me constantly feel a ‘need’–more like sudden urge–to freak out and get upset, constantly.  My body needs a break–i have got to find ways to help myself unwind and maintain some control so as to keep my actions under control.  Nothing has really panned out like i planned?  expected?  hoped?  But, then again, nothing in my entire life has, so why should now and the future be any different?  –That’s just silly.  i know.

My fellow tribe members, please try to take care’a yourselves, as best you can.  You are all worthy of some peace and happiness in your own lives!  ****HUGS****

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