I thought is was doing better and I was for the most part. Then I went shopping and pick up a package of toilet paper that had blood on it. One of the clerks must have cut his finger opening the box and bled on the package.

I have never experienced the amount of panic and fear as I did at that moment. You would have thought a person was holding a gun to my head and was pulling the trigger. I was at a total lost, I stared at it for at least 4 or 5 minutes trying to convince my self that it was not blood, but damn if it wasn't. Now both my hands were contaminated, with no way to preform my compulsion ( which would have involved a very long process of washing with soap and alcohol). So, I was stuck for the first time in a store unable to touch my car keys let alone any thing to do with my car……I walked around the the store for 10 maybe 15 minutes holding my hands up in the air like a surgeon, I was so embarrassed. Then I had the idea of explaining my problem to the pharmacist and ask for some hand sanitizer and paper towels. Talk about a low point in my life. He was sympathetic and gave me what I was asking for. So, I wash my hands 4 times, but in my mind that was no were near enough to feel uncontaminated. I fought hard to purchase all the items I had in my basket, walking out to my car and back to the store several times, but was unable too. Then I spent 15 or more minutes standing out side my car trying to avoid contaminating it, I almost walked home. But, I forced my self to drive home, contaminating everything I touched.

The cleansing process was brutal, and still is not over, you know how you always seem to forget to clean something and now it has contaminated everything that has touched it, well I forgot my seat belt, so after I felt clean again I went out shopping again then after I got back home, all of a sudden I realized damn the seat belt, so now I feel everything I was waring and every thing I bought is now contaminated…..man it seems to never end. The real hard part about this one is I was wearing my very expensive leather jacket  when I came in contact with the bloody object. In my mind there is no way It can be clean to my satisfaction so I have to throw it away….bummer The last time my jacket, not the leather one  got contaminated I washed it over 8 times and can only now ware it.  I also get my mother med at the pharmacy in that store, here is my big step back and a very hard thing for me to except, I am now unable to go into that store anymore, and have to change my mothers med to another place…….this is the lowest point in my OCD life.

Well that how its has been going for me, hope thing are going better for all who read this.


1 Comment
  1. rq5738 13 years ago

     Wow~~  I feel for you and I’ve LIVED that scenario… more than once.  I hope you haven’t thrown your jacket away, as I’m sure you don’t need to.

    I seem to "see red" everywhere.  As long as I don’t see red, I can function pretty well.  But once I do… WHEW!  It is BAD.

    A hefty dose of zoloft helps me, but not a "cure.”

      Message me any time you want to talk… I understand!!!


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